I'll Be Okay✓

Chapter 14

I pull back and put my hand on his cheek and caress it slowly. "I am so grateful to you, for being a small paradise when I was in hell. You gave me something to look forward to when I had no direction and for that I will forever be grateful to you. I am sad that this has to end but I do not regret it, my morningstar."

I exhale, heaving a heavy sigh then I pull my hand away from Zayn then step back.

"I hope one day you will have it in your heart to forgive me and I wish you happiness. I wish that one day you will think of me with a smile an remember only the good times we had. I hope you do find happiness and peace because only the heavens know that at least one of us deserves it and I would rejoice if you find it." I turn around feeling my heart heavy more than ever.

I hope my words reaches him an he finds it in his heart to forgive me. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me someday.

I do not get far because Zayn grabs me and pulls me back to him.

I turn around and look up. His face is now turned completely soft. "You deserve happiness too. You deserve the peace you want for me. You don't have to leave him for me, do it for yourself, for your own peace. You don't have to come back to me, if I don't make you happy you can-"

I stop him. "Oh God no, you made me happy when there was nothing in my life to be happy about. So none of that nonsense but I can not Zayn, I am not as strong as you. I am a coward. I will not make it on my own."

And that is nothing but the truth. I could stop the wedding but then what, what will I do after father disown me. I will not survive that. I am a coward and I am okay with that.

It is Zayn's turn to caress my cheek. Goosebumps rises all over my skin, from my toes to my head. "But you are strong, smart and you are tenacious. You don't need anyone to make it. You can do that all on your own. I wish you can see yourself through my eyes then you'd have the confidence in yourself that I have for you."

My heart swells listening to him. No one has had that confidence in me like he does. He puts in a pedestal which I do not belong and for a short second I believe him, I bask in the glory he gives me but it does not last, I know the truth, I know myself. I am weak.

I smile at him warmly. "You have a big heart Zayn, you see the best in people even if they aren't. Any woman would be lucky to have you."

"But what if I don't want just any woman." He rushes out and my heart skips a beat. "What is the woman I want is right in front of me, doesn't she feel lucky?"

My eyes sting with images tears. This was suppose to end quick an easy, that how I envisioned it when it all started.

I wrap my arms around his neck and I kiss him. He is quick to pull me closer and kissing me back. I melt into his arms feeling the comfort he offers, it is sweet and very warm.

I pull back breathless. "Of course she was luck while it lasted, no matter the short time she had." I talk in third person continuing what he started. "But you deserve better than her."

Zayn rests his forehead on mine. I smell his minty breath. I sigh thinking how much I missed the smell of his breath.

"Why not let me worry about what I deserve and what I don't. I want you an that's that." He tells me and I wish I can tell him that he has me that I surrender myself to him but I can not.

"I am getting married tomorrow Zayn, please don't do this." I beg him. "Do not make the difficult than it already is, please."

I feel him sigh and close my eyes listening to him breath in an out. This might be the last time I get to be like this with him.

"Don't marry him." I hear him whisper. my heart stops for a full second.

He just asked me not to marry Mark. I wish it was something to even consider but it is not, I can not let my mother down, I simply can not.

"You know I can not. I explained it to you." I tell him in a broken tone.

"I know you can't do it for yourself but don't marry him. Do it for me then, just don't marry him." He begs, he pleads with me.

I open my eyes an step back from him panting. I clutch my chest feeling like the oxygen is getting sucked out of my lungs.

"Please Red. I... I... Don't marry him."

I look up at him and he walks towards me but I put my hand up and he stops.

I knew what he wanted to say but could not. I wish he did not utter a word. Now everything is difficult. This was suppose to be easy.

It was suppose to easy. It was suppose to a distraction.

"You were not... You can not... It was not.. you can not... You are not.. this was not.." The words fail to make it past my tongue.

I give you an turn around ready to run. I need to leave before I ruin everything my father built because if I stay any longer I will agree to his proposal because I want to stay, to say yes. I am tempted to and I will destroy my family, everything my father worked for.

I take my shoes at the door and the front door feeling like a mess, like I will crumble if I stay another second.

I turn around to see Zayn one last time, his expression broken, just like mine. "Thank you for talking to me at that café and I am sorry for any inconvenience."

I close the door behind me and start walking towards the gate then out to my car parked in the curb next to Zayn's hose.

"Red," I hear Zayn calling me from his front door.

I stop and turn around. "If you choose happiness tomorrow, I'll be at the place where we first met."

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