THE BEAST ─ five hargreeves

[ 066 ] there's a new homo in town

"I will do no such thing!" said Diego angrily.

"That's just stupid, and stupidity always got to be paid for. Let's get some of that stupid knocked out of your system." He flicked his wrist.

The man in the yellow rawhide gloves swung a quick uppercut, bringing it from hip level to the side of Diego's face. Pain exploded in his head and for a few moments he saw everything on that side through a scarlet haze.

"Okay, you look a little more awake now," the thin man said. "Where was I? Oh, I know. Deals. Tell me, Hargreeves. Whaddaya say?"

"I say no," Diego replied. His voice sounded fuzzy, because the side of his mouth was swelling. "I say you can go to hell, asshole."

"You sure about that?"

"For the last time, I won't betray my family! To hell with you! Let me go!"

"Sorry chump," said the thin man, grinning. "Handler says you're a damn bad flight risk. No hard feelings." He gestured to the man with the pipe. "Kneecap this stupid sonofabitch, will ya?"

Involuntarily, Diego closed his eyes and breathed a short prayer.

"Stop!"

The voice came from the doorway opposite.

Diego twisted his head to see. He blinked. Rubbed his eyes. Was this—? But surely not! Surely his eyes must be playing tricks on him! Surely—surely—surely—

But as Diego watched with wide, bewildered eyes, the figure stepped into the light, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what he seeing was true.

Standing in the doorway, the neatly ironed Commission ensemble stretched over his mammoth-sized frame, was Luther.

. . .

—"WHO THE HELL are you?" demanded the thin man.

"My name is Luther," said Luther. He paused. "Lex. Lex Luthor. Not like the comic books. 'Lex' short for Alexander. 'Luthor' short for . . . Luthorson. Alexander Luthorson, at your service. Yes, I was bullied as a child. Listen, I am under strict orders to take this man away. The Handler wants to speak to him."

"You're The Handler's assistant? What happened to her old assistant, Phil?"

Luther shrugged. "Same thing that happened to homo erectus. He was replaced by a superior species. Step aside, gentlemen. There's a new homo in town and you can bet your ass I ain't erectus."

It was then that the other four men looked at each other. Confused. Unsure. Somewhat disturbed.

"Anyway," went on Luther, "lovely talking to you gents, but I've gotta drop this sucker off at HQ. Shift is almost over and my female wife is waiting for me."

"Your . . . female wife?" repeated the thin man.

"Yes. Perhaps I should clarify. I am a man. Yes, it is true. I am married to a female woman. That's because I'm attracted to female women. Nothing more intoxicating than the absence of a phallus, eh, fellas?"

Diego knit his brow. No wonder Luther couldn't get girls. God, this was painful to watch.

The men looked at Luther suspiciously.

"So you're just gonna take Zorro over here and go? Am I getting this right?"

"Obviously," said Luther. "Hand him over at once, if you will. I was planning to do pilates tonight and time's a-ticking."