It's Our Secret

Chapter 40 - Connections

It was the summer of the Euros and we were all excited. To be playing a major competition in our home country was going to be something spectacular. Throughout my illness, the one thing I wanted was to be back and ready for the Euros. I wanted to try and help the Lionesses win a major trophy, and we all knew this was going to be the perfect time to do that.

We went into camp in early June, giving us a little over a month to prepare for the start of the tournament.

"I'm so excited," Georgia said, as we sat on our beds, tying our shoes and getting ready to go downstairs for breakfast.
"Yeah, me too," I replied back. I was excited, obviously, but since my conversation with Hayley, it's been hard to focus on anything else.

For me, there's always been a difference between my connection with Leah and Hayley. Leah is, by nature, a distant person. She's a hard egg to crack, and my love for her runs so deep sometimes it's hard to find the origin. I always thought Leah was my soulmate, and that was because it felt as if I always went back to her. With Hayley, it's different. Hayley and I found each other in a complete and utter accident. We met at a football game, started talking and everything went from there. It was natural and it was fluent. Sometimes it feels as if Leah is my childhood dream and Hayley was my push towards reality.

When Georgia and I left the room, we headed downstairs. I saw Leah and Keira chatting away at the breakfast table. It seemed that despite all that had happened, they were okay. Keira was okay. Leah was okay. So, why didn't I feel okay?

"Hey," Leah said to me, as I sat beside her, with my plate of food. I gave her a smile back, and started digging in. I saw Keira slightly grinning through the corner of my eye and I knew it was because I was eating. Keira struggled for such a long time trying to get me to eat food, and now that she sees me eating willingly, it always brings her a sense of comfort and ease. She looks out for me, and I love my twin for that.

When we're at camp, I don't spend much time with Leah. She's a distant person by nature, and since being here, we've both had to realise that we're still a secret. Our relationship is a secret. Only Keira knows about us, and that has meant that we're still only friends. At least, in everyone else's eyes.

As I walked to the pitch, I saw Jordan coming out too. She was walking in front of me, talking with Lucy and Jill. I realised, at this moment, that Jordan was still around. She was still here. She's the sweetest human, and in no way am I arguing with that, but it's hard knowing that she's here, and I'm here, and Leah's here.

"You alright?" Leah said, coming up behind me.
"Yeah, I'm good," I replied back.
"Well I'm-" Leah was about to say, before Sarina cut her off.
"Leah! Can I have a minute!" Sarina called out.
"Sorry," Leah said, running off to our manager. Leah has been captaining the Lionesses since Steph picked up an injury late 2021. Although Steph is back, Leah retained it. Leah is a great captain, although sometimes it is weird playing under her, but I don't let it phase me too much.

We trained that day, and I started having a good idea of what the best defensive combinations were. Lucy and I work best as the two full backs, with Leah and Keira in the middle as midfielders. At the back, we have Millie and Alex, who work quite well as the center backs. It was a solid, and indestructible defensive line up.

As all the girls walked off the pitch, I felt at ease with football. I felt settled and happy. It was working out. Thankfully, my heart was managing nicely, and I was keeping a consistent weight to be cleared to play. But, in other areas, I was confused. Since getting with Leah, I felt as if I was on cloud nine. I had everything I had ever wanted, but sometimes, you don't realise what you actually want until you have everything you thought you did.

I stayed back on the pitch, just sitting on the grass, stretching and feeling free. I saw Keira look at me strangely and come out to sit beside me.
"Are you alright?" She asked me.
"Yeah, just thinking," I replied back. "I love just sitting out here, feeling carefree."
"Sometimes," Keira started to say, "the only place I ever feel safe is on the pitch."
"Just feels like all the problems we've ever had just disappear." I leant back onto the grass, so I was looking up at the clear London sky.
"I feel confused," I said to my twin, looking at her as she lay beside me.
"Confused about?"
"I need you to listen as my sister and my twin and my best friend and nothing else, okay?"
"Yeah okay," she replied.
"I caught up with Hayley the other week," I said to her, "and she said something that has sort of stuck with me."
"What'd she say?"
"She said "I'll always love you." Like what does that even mean?" I put my hands over my face, frustrated that I was confused.
"I think it means," Keira started to say, "that she misses you. That she loves you. Do you love her?" I paused to think about it for a moment, realising that I too would always love her, but I couldn't only think about that. I had to think about Leah also.
"The problem is," I started to say, "Leah and I, whatever we are, is something I have been confused about since I was sixteen. We've always been on each other's radar in a sense, and now that we are kinda together, in a non confirmed sort of way, I feel as if I am content with that. But, I'm not sure I am. I still don't understand why we can't tell anyone, and why it's this whole secret."
"Does Leah want it to be a secret?" Keira asked me.
"I mean, I just don't think she wants it not to not be a secret."
"And what about Hayley?" Keira asked.
"What about Hayley?" I replied.
"Does she make you feel anything different?" I thought about this for a second, knowing my answer.
"Hayley was my first mature, grown up relationship, and I know that the only reason we ended was because I wasn't man enough to tell you about my heart."
"Do you think it would've been a different story had you told me? Or had you never had the issue with your heart to begin with?"
"Yeah," I replied, "I think it would've been."
"Ett," Keira started to say to me, "I think you need to talk to Leah, tell her what you want. These things only ever work if you are honest and if you communicate." I nodded my head knowing she was right.
"Thank you, Kie."
"I'd do anything for you, you know that right?" Keira said to me.
"I know, and I'd do the same for you." I grabbed her hand, still lying on the grass in the middle of the pitch.

After a while, we both walked inside, to the changing room, and we saw Lucy sitting there.
"I was waiting for you guys to finish your little twin session but it took longer than I thought."
"Sorry babe," Keira said to Lucy. She put her arm around Lucy, and they both walked off back to the hotel. I stayed back, changing back into normal clothes, when I saw Leah come out of Sarina's office.

"Hey," she said to me, coming over and kissing my neck. No one else was around, as everyone had gone back to the hotel.
"Hi," I said, smiling back at her, turning around and returning the kiss on her lips. Despite all the worries I had before, this makes me certain of all my concerns. She makes me certain.
"How was your talk with Sarina?" I asked her, in between kisses.
"Good, just settling everything for the start of the tournament." I wrapped my arms around her neck, and went on my tiptoes to hug her tightly.
"You alright?" Leah asked me. I nodded as my head rested against her shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm perfect." I moved my head off her shoulder and placed a kiss on her lips, but as I did that I saw something in the door frame. Someone I didn't want to see. I quickly moved my arms off of Leah, and went to my locker. When Leah turned around, she soon saw what I did.

"Jords," Leah called out.

Note:
- merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates - hope u all had a good day!
- hope u are enjoying the story, it's about ti get juicy
- anyways, thank u guys for all the support. Love you all