Choosing You || jh

Twenty-Final

Hana's view

It is really so nerve wrecking to be on the spotlight. I can feel it now.

After Hoseok asked his question, both guys kept staring at me intensely waiting desperately for my answer.

Well I think it's the right time to voice out the thoughts I've been having for the past few days.

I thought a lot and I came finally to a conclusion. I was contemplating if I should tell Hoseok and Yoongi about it but well now that he asked I think it a great apportunity.

I caused a lot of drama lately. I hurted many feelings as well as hurting my own feelings. I caused a lot of damage all around me and I worried my friends about me.
Now it's the time to end this stupid game , I guess. All for the best.

I took a deep breath and looked at the two guys who by the chance were still looking at me urging me to say something.

"I chose none of you."

No one was expecting me to say this.I took them out off guard.

Each one of them was waiting for me to spell out his name. I can see that in their eyes. Even Yoongi, who told me himself the other day that he is okay if I don't like him and that he will move on. I guess his words weren't genuine after all.

I can see the disappointment and I can see the hurt, the pain in their eyes . But as I said it's all for the best.

I thought a lot about this. One of the scenarios that came to mind is what if i actually ended up choosing one out of them both. Am I going to be happy then? Not at all. Because I would have to see the other sad every time he sees us together. Not just that but the feeling of regret and guilt won't leave me alone, I know myself very well. I won't be able to rest or to be happy.

I came to the conclusion, that maybe this the best outcome of the situation.
We are not meant to be lovers, not me and Yoongi, not me and Hoseok. All of us are meant to be friends. I already can picture us as great friends in the upcoming future.

I admit it i liked Yoongi and I liked Hoseok!Maybe I still like him actually.

But no I know it's not serious and knowing that makes me more determined to end this right here and right now. The fact that I am hurting them by holding their hopes up for nothing is killing me inside.

This whole situation is unhealthy for everyone even me.

"Listen guys , I know you probably weren't expecting this but please don't misunderstand. The problem is not any one you or me or anything but this whole situation is wrong and we should stop right her-"

"No Hana , you don't have to explain yourself, I can see what are you thinking about and I totally understand you. I already told that I'm ready to move on.. guess a small part of me was still hoping *chuckles* but it's all good I promise." He smiled at me that sweet sugary smile of his that I love a lot and I hope to see always. It makes me know that everything is going to be alright..

But Hoseok... I looked at him. His face is still holding that bitter expression. Then he smiled at me.

"Lowkey.. I knew that the best thing to do is to let go, to move on .. I guess I wasn't the only one who had such a thought after all.I can see where you all are coming from, this is so toxic and unhealthy for the three of us that we should stop it before it goes even worse ........"

I smiled at him showing my gratitude for his understanding.This is went better than I expected.

"It's the first time that me and this yoongless guy agree on something."

He added and I laughed. Not just because it was funny, sure it was, but also because I'm happy, genuinely happy.

Yoongi only glared at him for two seconds, probably because of the weird nickname, but then he started laughing along with us.

Hoping for better days to come we laughed. Sure there still a long way ahead of us to overcome the awkwardness and to fully move on. But deep down that what our souls actually desired. To be free from feelings that manipulated and made us their slaves.

That's the ending I was hoping for!

But it's not the ending, this is just a beginning a new chapter of loving our life and loving ourselves. Avoiding similar situations that are able to drag us down and to make us feel inferior and insecure. No more sadness ,no more fear ,no more depression ,no more toxicity!

The end🌺