Big Shepherd, Little Shepherd

XIV

YOUR POV

Meredith has been panicking all day. She hasn't heard from Derek. Bailey has told her if she doesn't hear from him by 5 then she can panic. Me, being the great sister in law I am, spent the evening at Meredith's. I say Meredith's, I'm sat in a waiting room with Zola and Bailey. Meredith is in an ICU room with my brother.

- Meredith : Y/n

- y/n : Amelia is on her way. She deserves to say goodbye. We've got to wait

- Meredith : You can't tell me what do to with my husband.

- y/n : He's Amelia's brother and was like a dad to me. We're waiting.

- Meredith : I've already signed the papers

- y/n : Amy could have done something? You've just signed our brothers life away when two of his sisters have knowledge in neurosurgery

Rowan isn't here and neither is Amelia but here I am taking my brother off life support. Meredith said her part and left basically leaving me to say goodbye. 

- y/n : Hey Derek. Your an asshole. Your kids have to grow up like me and Amy now. With barely any memories of their dad. Amy is on her way here now but she isn't going to get here in time. God why did you have to get hurt. Your my big brother, your not supposed to effected by anything. Come on Derek. Give me any sign.

- Amelia : I'm here...

- y/n : We're loosing him. He's leaving us

- Amelia : You know that's not true. Come here. Shhshhsh. I've got you. Your okay.

Fuck this shit, I'm going home. My home. Carina isn't going to be home, she's working a night shift which means I can cry in peace. Or so I thought.

- Arizona : Y/n/n? Are you home? Amelia said to come check on you. Hey, why are you cry? What's wrong?

- y/n : Amy hasn't told you?

- Arizona : No. She said you were upset and that you needed company

- y/n : Derek's gone. He got in a car accident and-

- Arizona : It's okay. Your getting worked up. Calm down. I'm here with you. Derek might be gone but I'm here. Amelia is on her way back to ours, do you want to come home with me?

- y/n : I'm going to stay here. I want to be in my own home

- Arizona : Carina will be home in a few hours. Tell her if you need me to pick you up and bring you back to ours

I spent a good few hours staring at a wall and crying occasionally. Great way to spend a night I think. I didn't realise Carina was home until she was crouched in front of me wiping my face.

- Carina : Arizona told me what happened. I can't imagine ever losing my brother. I made you a hot drink

- y/n : Thank you

- Carina : Come on. Let's get you changed and into bed, you've been up all night

She's not wrong. I have been up all night but I don't want to sleep. If I sleep it makes it real because I'll wake up and Derek won't be here. I'll wake up and it'll be the start of the rest of my life without my brother.

- Carina : I'm not going to leave you. Just close your eyes, you got to sleep bella

- y/n : I'm fine. I'm not tired

- Carina : I've seen you yawn many times since I have been home. I'll be here when you wake up

- y/n : Promise? You won't get in an accident or send me away?

- Carina : Go. To. Sleep. You look like shit bella. I'll be here when you wake

It was difficult falling asleep and staying asleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw my brother and when I fell asleep I had nightmares that he wasn't actually brain dead and we killed him. Ahh fun times.

Authors Notes
This part is really short because
I'm slightly preoccupied at the
minute. Have a drink and snack
please x