Burning Rose

12. Paroxysm

"Don't be so surprised," he muttered. "Be thankful I'm being this nice."

I felt like saying thank you, but the words refused to leave my mouth.

Once the bleeding had stopped, Changkyun discarded the now soaked piece of cloth. He then proceeded to wipe the blood off my face and hand with the sleeve of my shirt, because he had no other hanky. When he was done, he got up and took off his own windbreaker before tossing it at me.

"Wear it and don't bend your upper body too much, it'll start bleeding again. I'll take care of the clothes, now go home."

—

The next day was the last day of the year before winter holidays commenced, and by far, the most extreme school day of my life. In what way, I couldn't figure out myself.

I was just minding my own business, silently sulking on my not-so-merry way to the cafeteria. I was supposed to meet Jeongyeon there in the lunch break, but our Math teacher had hogged up almost all of it. But still, on I went, hoping that I at least reached Jeongyeon before the bell that indicated the end of the break rang.

The exhaustion that weighed down every cell of my body was physical as well as emotional and mental. Physical, because sleep was a rarity now. Nightmares plagued whatever little sleep I did get. And emotional and mental, because of, well, everything that's been going on. This exhaustion was the root cause of the mix of feelings coursing through me as I stomped down the hallway. It was complex, what I felt, but if I had to describe it in one word, I'd say frustration. That was the aggregate of all the negative emotions I was having. Of course, everyone gets frustrated at some point of their lives, but not everyone gets themselves stuck in the situation I am in. Not everyone would understand what it feels like.

And what does it really feel like?

It feels like I can't put up with more of it, any of it, even the tiniest part of it. I can't go on like this. I can't stay level-headed if this continues.

So when the bell rang before I could even exit the classroom building, it just added fuel to the fire.

I stopped in my tracks, gritting my teeth. This wasn't it. This wasn't happening. It sounded so petty, so small, but all the ugly and chaotic emotions in me were already filled up to the brim. Just a little bit more and they would overflow. I was now about to burst, like a balloon pumped with too much air. I needed to deflate a bit.

Yes, this wasn't happening. I decided it wasn't. So I just went on, pretending that the bell had never rung. Jeongyeon would still be waiting for me. If not, I would definitely run into her on the way there.

I didn't.

Because before I ran into her, I literally ran into someone else.

It was a student, and I did what was expected of me- gave a small bow with a quick apology- before continuing on my way, but that wasn't enough, apparently.

"Hey, hey, hey!"

An abrupt tug to my uniform collar from behind pulled me backward. The person who I'd bumped into was hauling me so that we were face to face, and I staggered when he more or less chucked me in front of him.

Dismay added on to the tank of emotions I was carrying around, getting it dangerously close to overflowing. I couldn't do this. I couldn't put up with this, not right now. I needed to deflate first.

Please let me deflate first. . . .

"Are you blind?" he sneered, pushing at my shoulder. I avoided eye contact, but my jaw clenched.