Teacher's pet

chapter 6: why?

The next day I walked slowly, resonating on each step before taking the other.
When I arrived at the door, he greeted me-
"Hi Joy, did you get home safe?"
"hi sir, uh yes...yep" I replied rushing to my seat as soon as I felt his fingers brushing down my back.

Class was pretty normal. Learning, practise questions on repeat. It was 'normal' for him to check my work every time too.
Eventually, him standing behind me, his arms wrapped around my body became normal. The musky, wooden smell of his cologne was all I could smell. The red ink of his pen on my work became normal too.

At lunch, I sat with Yuna and listening to her talking about her birthday plans for next week. We were going to a giant shopping centre, about 40 minutes away from our houses. We had never been but it was meant to be so large you could get lost. Maybe watch a film, go shopping and eat somewhere nice- this was the rough plan. I was looking forward to it and it helped take my mind of the science situation-
for a while, until I saw him walk past our seating area.
He wore a different tailored suit every day. It was just fitting enough that you could see his muscles peeking through. Apparently, a lot of teachers and students alike liked him. I mean he was good-looking but he's a teacher. Yuck Joy, stop it.

...

After I had taken a shower that day, I sat in bed , a towel wrapped around my wet hair- thinking.
I felt such a great multitude of emotions but confusion overwhelmed me.
Why me? There were so many other girls in the class. Why did he like me?

I wasn't exactly insecure, but I'm like every other girl. The little things siblings say in heated arguments without thinking. The family friends who comment on appearances.
I still think of them years later. Any teen would and then their body image starts to crumble and they question 'am I pretty?'. I question 'am I pretty?' Then I can't think of a single person who would think I'm attractive.
Yes I was 'smart' but wasn't that it to me?