Deepest Desire

12

JAY POV 

I clench my fist staring at the sonogram. I couldn't wrap my mind about having this sort of bind to Lauren. It was the absolute worst time to happen and I was torn having to cut things off with Kenya for the sake of my offspring. I couldn't imagine how it would make her feel to know this is a factor in my life with someone else and that alone makes me so bitter about this. 

"Well that would explain my little episodes yeah?" She giggles glancing back at me. I didn't speak a word. I wasn't disappointed about the child itself, more so devastated this is Lauren and not Kenya. I couldn't even pretend to be thrilled in any way. "Jay?" Lauren says once we were alone. "Were you paying any attention to what Dr. Keiser saying about our child?"

"No, Amanda. I can't say that I was." I sigh standing up.

"Oh are you proud of yourself?" she says blankly. I just shake my head.

"Lauren, not now." 

"No Jay, I'm dying to hear why is it you could care less about what he had to say about our child? Thinking about your precious little Kenya? Well guess what Jay, if you were meant to be with her would I be carrying your child?"

"Oh, wow you're right Lauren. You're carrying my child, the laundry list of repulsive things you do is irrelevant now. Get real." 

"Ugh." she scoffs getting herself together. "You need to get your act together before he or she gets here because we deserve a happy family." she says. In her delusional little head she's convinced I was 'having a hard time coming around and would see the importance of the timing of our child'. I roll my eyes.

"Lauren, I made it very clear a month ago this isn't what I want with you. I'll be there for this baby but-"

"This baby? Really Jay?" she crosses her arms scrunching her nose up. I took that as my cue and began heading for the door. I wasn't in the mood for her tears and making matters worse. I was able to make it to the car without having to hear how I'm a piece of shit through the doctors office. 

I can't wait to get back to Atlanta. Life wasn't this... stressful. It was a breath of fresh of air. But I'm not ready for the awkwardness of knowing Kenya is around and probably hates my guts all over again now. I wanted to reach out everyday this past two weeks we haven't spoken but it's damn near impossible to face her knowing the conversation we needed to have so badly didn't go how either of us probably wanted it to. 

But man do I fucking miss her now more than I have the past eight years. 

I decided to go by my old office to get some paperwork together for the firm I'll soon own in Atlanta when Andre's shit blows up in his face on the day we cut the ribbon. He definitely had it coming, just like Jada does. Kenya wasn't aware I was still going to continue out her revenge scheme and it made me more determined to pull the strings I've managed to pull the past two weeks. Now all that's in the way is time. 

KENYA POV 

I shake my head at the sonogram. Completely disgusted with myself for the confusion of how I wanted to handle the situation. Because quite frankly it shouldn't be a question in the least. Nothing about this fetus is logical. Not my lifestyle, not my image, and not the father. I roll my eyes, angrier with Jay than the day he sat with me in a clinic making me think it was some sort of bump in the road for us. 

I didn't realize how hard I was squeezing Jay's hand until he pulled it to his lips and placed a kiss on mine. His blue eyes I've come to find the craziest amount of comfort in instantly calmed me. I knew this wasn't what I wanted but I couldn't just make Jay give up everything because of my unspoken love for him. We were in love in the most immature ways as it is. 

"I'm scared Jay. I don't think I can do this."

"You have to. My parents already paid for it and I promised them I would be sure you did. I can't take them being mad at me like this anymore Kenya. Everything I'm working towards is for me to take my Dad's company and-"

"I know Jay." I look away. I hate the pedestal he put me on away from them because in their face you would think I'm just some girl that follows him around. I couldn't begin to understand how they're even his parents because Jay is just so different from them. He was the first boy more and I couldn't look past him in the few moments we've been in front of his parents. 

"Kennybear, I promise this will just be something we can look back at together and be glad we did it." he assures me.

"I'm more afraid about what could go wrong. What if it harms me or what if the baby surv-"

"Then just like right now I will be right there with you. This isn't going to change anything between us."

I wish I knew how much of a lie that was. But now I do and that's why I don't think I should keep this baby but at the same time this major part of me is dying for someone I know won't turn their back on me because that person would actually need me. I bite my lip, trying to control my emotions which has failed me awfully the past two weeks. 

"Would you like the pictures Ms. Neil?" Dr. Zuemher taps me. I laugh a bit.

"Sorry, just kind of out of it today. But yes, I would." I say hesitantly. 

Upon arriving at home, I was finally able to let the tears roll. Even though I was fine, my hormones just needed to be sad right now. I take a seat on the sofa, crying like someone just stole my damn dog. 

"This is so stupid." I shake my head laughing a bit. I wanted so badly to just call Jay up and tell him what I would think would be good news to him but I don't think I'm ready to face him in any way. This all just felt too familiar and I don't want a repeat. 

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Just a quick little update to give a little dose of what shits about to be likeeeeeeeeeeee. What do you guys think is in store for Jada? What do you think Kenya should do? GIMME SOMETHING!