LOVE IS NOT OVER YET JIKOOK

Chapter 15: sweet dreams

Being an idol was something he was glad and proud to become though, being one gave him the capability to see through the reality of being an idol. Contrary to what people see in the internet and news, the life of an idol is hard – people may debut and achieve success but you cannot really determine success in this show business. Everything happens in a blink of an eye, blink, you see people fail and retire; blink, and you see someone's popularity skyrocketing high beyond you could fathom.

He risked his future with someone he loves so much for a future he's not even certain he could achieve just because he was chosen. He realized that now, they were in L.A, practicing hard and trying to film their first music video. It was hard because the agency that he had auditioned for wasn't really established, it was struggling and they were betting it all on this boy group they are molding them into for one last shot at success.

The crew they were working with was spending their own money for the other necessary things needed during the shoot, the boys were down to no choice when they had no money left and had to borrow to the staff just to cross the hunger they were experiencing. Sometimes, the boys had only eaten at least a single cup of ramen and a lot of water to get through the day. Jimin got skinnier, he hadn't really gotten much money and prices here in L.A are much inflated than in Korea.

Everybody was risking all they've got, working hard with all their might, that's why this debut means so much, this music video was everything for them. Jimin was struggling so much, behind the cameras and behind everyone's knowledge, he sometimes couldn't sleep thinking about everything that he did and whether this is what he really wanted.

Sometimes, he wants to go back.

But he knows he can't. Not when what he did was something that couldn't be taken lightly and just saying 'I'm sorry' couldn't have erased it. The memory of what happened haunts him every night, the way Jungkook's eyes cried tears that he wished to wipe away but he couldn't, the way Jungkook begged that he wanted to say everything wasn't really real and he loves him so much he couldn't leave him but he couldn't, the way...the way they both made love for the last time and as much as he wanted to stay, he couldn't. He couldn't – god, he couldn't even do them for Jungkook, the boy he loves so much and the person that was here, right in his heart. The conscience, the guilt it was eating him alive and Jimin couldn't bear it no matter how many tears he shed each night as he lulls himself to sleep because he needs to get up early tomorrow so he could practice.

One night, the tears couldn't stop and Jimin couldn't take it anymore.

Namjoon saw him then sat there with him outside as he calms himself from crying. Namjoon didn't talk. But he stayed.

Another night came, this time, he didn't cry though he somehow wanted to die. Everything was so hard and he wishes he could just go back.

Then, Namjoon spoke, "I know it's hard right now, but how do you know it'll get better if you leave?"

"Someone might be there waiting for you when you get back, what would he or she might think when you don't go back at all? It's hard for you but it's also going to be hard for someone else without you. Be strong." Namjoon stood up, dusting off his clothes and ready to leave

Jimin grabbed his clothes and fisted them in his hands. "Hyung,"

"Yeah?" Namjoon softly replied, letting Jimin know that he was there. He was there to stay with him and help him get through this after all, they were co-members now. They were friends.

"I miss him." Jimin told then continued to repeat what said with so much sincerity, longing and grief all laced into one, "I miss him so much, hyung."

Bangtan Sonyeondan's debut came, their first song out along with the music video for South Korea to hear and see. They went to numerous music shows to promote their song and album, yes they had series of promotions but it wasn't really BTS hit yet. And being in a business were there are still big groups dominating and garnering almost at least seventy-five percent of the whole fan bases, there was no room for them to reign.