Jegulus: the escaping of a broken home

You apologize too much

The title is the most relatable shit I've ever seen. Anyways.

(Edit - the amount of times I've said "guiltily" 💀)

Enjoy the chapter!xx 💕

I stared up at the ceiling. I was going to have to confront them sooner or later. But maybe if I laid in bed forever they would think I was dead and leave me alone. I would have laughed at myself if I wasn't so worried about what would inevitably come. What a weak excuse to lay in bed and put it off.

Just then a knock on the door made me pull the covers over my head.

"We know you're not asleep!" Sirius' voice sounded, muffled by the door.

"Maybe he needs time-" Remus' voice sounded, barely audible.

"No, fuck it." Sirius said quickly. "I'm coming in anyways!" He said the last part louder and opened the door.

I could picture Remus following him with a worrying expression. However, my face was currently buried under the covers and I had no intention of coming out yet, so there was no way to actually see.

Someone yanked the covers off of me anyways.

"I'm asleep." I muttered, turning into the pillow.

"You don't look asleep." Remus said drily.

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed, turning around and sitting up.

"Oh my gosh, he's alive!" Said Sirius in mock surprise. I scowled before leaning back to see them both.

"I'm guessing you both want an explanation?"

"We don't need anything, you can tell us when you're ready." Remus said quietly. I sighed. I wanted more than anything for them to stop looking so sympathetic.

"I'll tell you anyways. The tension is too thick for my liking." I looked down, tracing the lines of my palms instead. I began telling the story reluctantly.

"I have anger issues, quite literally. And sometimes I get these anger attacks. And it's like my chest tightens up, I can't breathe, and- and I have to fight for control over my body. It's... scary." I admitted with a shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. I had to pause after the shrug and bury the memory of the feeling of not knowing what my body would do next. It was a bit harder to appear nonchalant now. "I get lightheaded and then it's kind of this... voice or something in the back of my head that like... compels me to just hurt anyone and anything that comes near. Even if- even if I don't want to." My voice broke at that part. I let out a breathy laugh. "I mean, it's not like I could do much damage but..."

They didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, I know there are bigger problems."

We were in the middle of a war, one of my friends was a werewolf and the other had just escaped an abusive household. I still didn't look up. How could I be so stupid to burden them like that?

"No, your problems are totally valid. What you're going through is... actually kind of similar to what I feel before the full moon. That's a lot." Remus said, speaking up.

This man needs to be a licensed therapist.

"You apologize too much." Sirius added.

I nodded in thanks to Remus, ignoring Sirius. I was sure I would burst into tears if I said anything.

"How long have these been going on?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Um... like as long as I can remember." It was true. Even as a toddler or little kid, my "tantrums" had always been like this. When I reached the age of 10, my parents had realized it was not normal. I was a relatively nice and unspoiled child, so why would I behave like this? That was when they had found out from the Healer.