Eli & Juno

10- Rainy Weather

Being at school on a Saturday is weird. It's so quiet you can hear your own breathing. My footsteps echo as I walk towards the auditorium. I glance out the window, losing myself in the blurred street lights. Rain droplets trickle down the window, like all the tears that had been shed and would be shed in these halls.

I stop, unable to look away. Far away, I can hear the sounds of life. It will be snowing soon. Everything covered in frost and ice. No more football, or walks with Kylan.

I shoulder my bag and keep walking.

I'm really doing this.

I doubt the turn-out will be big. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. The auditorium will be almost empty. At least, it better be. I don't think I can stand performing in front of a large group of people. Especially one full of kids I'd spent every year since kindergarten with.

No one's here.

I take a deep breath and walk in.

The room is dark and filled with hushed voices. The stage is full and shining with lights but empty. A few rows are full, mostly with bags, and a table has been set up for the teachers.

I walk down the steps. My legs feel shaky. Everything feels warm and sticky. This entire place is probably covered in soda and sweat. I want to gag. Or barf.

My grip tightens on my bag as I step in front of the desk. One of the student volunteers looks up at me over her phone. "Write your name on the sheet, and go wait in the back. We'll call you when we're ready."

I nod, and quickly scribble down my first and last name. I make my way behind the stage where several students are laughing and talking. Many more than I expected. I lower my head, ignoring the looks and stares.

The farther I walk, the less people there are. I make my way towards the right wing. Shaky breathing fills my ears.

"Hello?" I call nervously, like some idiot in a horror movie. "Anyone there?"

This is the part where the monster makes me it's first victim. I wait a moment. Then I see a boy. He's wearing a black shirt that says, 'I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me' which I would've laughed at if he looked any less scared. His hands are shaking, and I can see the shine of sweat from six feet away.

I take a prudent step forward.

"You alright, man?" I ask even though he obviously isn't. The sweat on my back suddenly goes cold. I drop my bag and sink down onto the floor.

"I'm fine," he says, though he looks pale and sweaty. "You can go."

I'm torn between running to get help and leaving him here like a jerk, or staying knowing there's nothing I can do.

His eyes close as his hands turn to fists. He takes a shuddering breath in, then a slow one out. He quietly begins to count under his breath. By the time he reaches ten, the shaking has stopped, and his shallow breaths have returned to a normal pace.

"Thanks," he says softly when he's regained control.

"No problem," I reply. I get up to stand, and offer a hand. He accepts it gratefully. "What was that?"

"A panic attack," he says. "I haven't been taking my anxiety meds lately, and the stress sort of caught up to me. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," I say, because I don't know what else to do. I stick my hands in my pockets.

"About what you said..." He looks down, "I'm not a boy."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, it's just," they point to their name tag. It says e/em. "I'm still trying to figure myself out. I guess the name tag doesn't really work when people don't see it."

"Oh my god I didn't-"

"Relax. It happens. And it helps to correct people." E smiles. 

Suddenly, I recognise em. "Zo, your hair-"

E laughs. "It's still long." E reaches for eir cap, and pulls it off, revealing a high ponytail which has been flipped forward to mime a pixie cut. I stare at em for a moment, before laughing.

"Clever. But if you want short hair, why don't you just cut it?"

E shrugs. "I'm not ready for that level of commitment yet." E fixes eir hat, and smiles. "Plus, I look great."

I smile. A silence falls between us. "This was a stupid idea, I think I'll just go home."

"Don't," e says. "We'll both do it."

"What?"

"Well we both came here because we wanted to broaden our horizons, right?" I nod, even though that isn't the way I would've put it. "Well then we are going to do it."

"We are?"

Zo nods confidently. "Moment of bravery, right?"

I swallow. "Moment of bravery."

Names get called. I slowly realize the mistake we have made. Zo's name starts with the final name of the alphabet. And even after my turn, it's not like I can just ditch em. It also doesn't help that we have absolutely nothing to talk about.

Eventually, I turn to my phone. I open my messages on instinct. I have a few from April, asking to hang out, and one from Kylan, who must've stolen Pippa's phone. I look at my messages with Eli. He never replied after my first text when I accidentally invited myself over. I got the sense that he wasn't the kind of guy who texted first.

Moments of bravery.

My heart pounds as I begin to type.

wanna hang out tmrw? we could get lunch

Pick me up around 12?

sounds good

Hiis reply comes almost immediately. I smile.

"Juno August?" Someone calls. I nearly drop my phone. I stuff it in my pocket. I peek around the curtains. Miss Toussaints is holding a clipboard, twirling a pen between two fingers. Her eyes brush over the auditorium.

I glance back at Zo. E smiles. "Goodluck."

"Juno August?" They say again.

"Go," E says.

I step out onto the stage. "Here."