MEANINGLESS || TK (Completed)

Chapter: 28(M)

(Mental health is no joke :)

It says that Hopelessness is such type of depression that is deeply related to the feelings of a meaningless life.

Having a meaning & purpose in life provides hope. But after reflecting it on one's own life, sometimes it can be felt like there's nothing really is accomplishing in life. This can lead a person to question his/her existence.

It's not uncommon to search for meaning and purpose in life. With an existential crisis, however, the problem lies in being unable to find satisfying answers. For some people, the lack of answers triggers a personal conflict from within, causing frustration and loss of inner joy.

That what exactly was happening to Jeongguk. He was feeling socially unfulfilled, dissatisfied with ownself. Feeling guilt about Taehyung for his poor self image. It was triggering his existential anxiety, which is an all-encompassing anxiety about the meaning of his life decisions.

Taehyung didn't fail to notice the slightest change in his lover's behavior, yet he didn't complaint about anything.

How Jeongguk again started to work few hours more even after thousands of his requests which he refused saying he was doing this for their future, how he forgot to giggle at his random jokes like he used to do before, how their weekend outings got lesser by passing time as Jeongguk didn't like to go out at all without his job related things, how his heartbeats got impossibly fast & hugged him so much tightly when Taehyung placed his head on his chest to cuddle as if someone was gonna snatch Taehyung away, how Taehyung accidentally opened his eyes in the middle of the night only to see Jeongguk with half lidded glossy eyes, a bit of dried tears glittering over the sides of his cheeks.

He observed everything. every single details. but also didn't pressurize him to say anything. He just wanted his boyfriend to open up by himself.

But that was taking really long.

The things in Jeongguk's behavior wasn't getting any better. Taehyung experienced his lover's insecure self before they started their relationship, but it got eventually less with the help of Taehyung. But the sudden change in his behavior started after that night party. It didn't take much time for Taehyung to realize that. The night after that party, Bogum apologized to both of them for the mess he created by drinking, but that didn't help Taehyung to find out the whole story.

He even asked Bogum to share everything, but the poor soul was too drunk that day to remember a single thing.

And the worst part was, Jeongguk choose to be silent, wasn't opening up his thoughts and that was scaring Taehyung.

What certainly happened that made his lover so distracted.

"Ggukie~" Taehyung whined wrapping arms around Jeongguk's waist tightly when the latter was getting ready for his 3 hours extra shift in the evening.

"Don't go please baby"

Taehyung mumbled against his chest, hugging him more tightly, stubborn to let go of his lover who just came 1 hour ago, again leaving him.

Jeongguk smiled caressing his clingy baby's hair, hugging him back.

"You don't need to do this anymore Ggukie. We decided it earlier too. Then why are you going again hmm?"

Jeongguk sighed patting his back softly to face his lover, bringing his face into his large palms.

- I'm doing this only for the betterment of our future. We talked about it too Love, no?

"Don't l-leave me here. pl-please Ggukie. I just need you for my future. Please don't l-leave.."

Taehyung whispered with wobbly lips, his eyes got teary, internally screaming for his lover to understand that he was the one he needed only, in every state of his life.