Broken Toys - Johanna Mason x fem reader

Chapter 17 - Breakdown

What would be left of me after this war? I did not know and did not want to know. I just needed to function, to fulfill my promise and create a safe Panem for my siblings and everyone else I cared about. What would happen with me then, could wait. 

"Finnick, thanks. I appreciate it, but I will be fine. I need to attend training now." I managed to get out of his embrace and left before he or Katniss could stop me.

Two days later I got a message over the cuff on my wrist signaling me to come to the conference room. I did not even bother to rant about the timing as I had to leave my dinner behind. Hope always filled me, when we had a conference. That there were good news about Johanna. But the anxiety was worse. You never knew what to expect and usually Snow loved to torture me. 

I sat down next to Finnick. He had kept two seats clear and I did not want to sit next to Heavensbee. It bothered me that no one had told us about the interview with Peeta. 

Soon later Katniss joined us and took the other seat next to Finnick. "What's up? Didn't we want to watch the propos from district 12?", she wondered. 

"Oh, no", Heavensbee replied. "Or maybe we do. I don't know which videos Beetee wants to use." 

"Beetee believes that he found a possibility to infiltrate the national news transmission system. That would mean that the Capitol would also see our propos. He is currently in the weapons department and works on the problem. Tonight there will be a live broadcast. I think it is about to start", Finnick explained. 

The coat of arms of the Capitol appeared on the screen, accompanied by the national hymn. Followed by a greeting of President Snow himself. He was standing behind a lectern, wearing a white rose. 

Different feelings were battling inside of me, but the anxiety of what was about to happen had definitely the upper hand. 

The camera zoomed out revealing Peeta, behind him a map of Panem. He was sitting on a high chair, creating a strange rhythm with his leg. Sweat was visible on his face and his expression was full of wrath. It scared me. What had happened to the gentle boy, who had always been searching for a peaceful solution? The selfless boy who had been the only victor who had appeared to be pure and innocent. 

"He is looking worse", Katniss whispered to Finnick, but I had good ears. 

I saw Finnick holding her hand. Despite my mean behavior two days ago, he looked at me and offered me his other hand. I took it gratefully. We were enduring this together. 

Peeta started talking about an armistice again and about the destruction of the infrastructure in the districts. Though my attention was now on the pictures and videos behind him. A broken dam in district 7. A derailed train with a load of toxic waste. A granary who broke down due to a fire. 

Peeta blamed this occurrences on the rebels. 

Suddenly Katniss captured the screen, standing in the ruins of a bakery. Peeta's old home, I suggested. 

"Ha! Beetee did it!", Heavensbee exclaimed jumping out of his chair. 

The screen switched back to the now confused Peeta, who tried to continue. But then I appeared on the screen, holding my speech I had held for Rue's memorial video. 

The fight between Beetee and the security crew of the Capitol had begun. Though the Capitol had been unprepared and Beetee seemed to have prepared effective short propo shots. 

Heavensbee was overjoyed and everyone was cheering at Beetee. At least almost everyone. My eyes landed on Finnick and Katniss. Then on Haymitch. Our expressions were revealing the same feeling: fear. Because we could see the impact it all had on Peeta. And because we were not like the others here. They were happy about our success, but to us victors it did not feel like success. We had experienced ourselves that everything you achieved came with a prize. And this time we were not the ones who would be paying it. Instead utter worry for the captives filled us. The people who were important to us and we had not been able to protect, despite fighting together.