Request by: RavenVynz
Trigger Warning: Body Dysphoria
Jake had been acting super weird lately and the members had definitely noticed.
The first sign of his odd behavior was a few months ago but the members thought he was just having an off week, that is until he hadn't been acting like himself since then.
It was an off day for enhypen as they just wrapped their latest album. The boys were just relaxing at the dorm lounging around and doing whatever for the day.
All the members were in the living room except for jake who hadn't come out of his room at all.
"hyung? Is jake-hyung sick today or something?" ni-ki asked from his chair as he held his phone playing a game.
"I'm not sure, he never came out of his room, he's been sleeping in these days maybe he's just tired." Heeseung said in response.
"I'm getting worried about him; I know that he can get a little down sometimes, but he's never acted like this before." Jay said as he flipped through TV channels.
"yeah, he usually likes to spend time with us when he feels that way." Sunghoon chimed in.
"maybe we should talk to him, I don't want him to get worse." Jay said.
"you're right, we should talk to him. let's give him another hour and then if he still hasn't come out we'll go wake him up okay?" Heeseung suggested.
"okay hyung." Ni-ki nodded going back to his game.
Jake woke up feeling kind of down, he had a heaviness in his heart, a foggy sad feeling in his brain. He groaned as the sunlight beamed through his window. He got up and shut his curtains making it dark in his room. he rubbed his eyes tiredly and trudged over to his bathroom dreading the thought of getting ready for his day.
He walked into the bathroom and stood at the sink washing his face and brushing his teeth.
He stared at himself in the mirror and a dreadful feeling washed over him. his eyes scanned his body in the mirror, his loose sweatpants sitting just below his waist, his shirtless torso mocking him in the mirror.
He had no idea at first why he would have such a reaction to his own body, he was quite fit and attractive, at least he thought he was but since he turned eighteen he started feeling weird. He was uncomfortable with himself, with his body. He started dressing differently trying to cover it up, trying to mask whatever it was about him that made him hate himself so much.
After some time of ignoring it, his mental health had gotten significantly worse, he developed depression just as he entered i-land and then anxiety during it. Every time he changed In front of his roommates, every time he showered, every time he wore the stage outfits he felt unhappy, uncomfortable, just bad about himself overall.
He was convinced there was something wrong with him. he tried to work out to see if a more fit physique would make that feeling go away but as he gained more muscle and looked more masculine he felt worse. He kind of gave up for a while as he debuted pushing his feeling deep down inside himself.
It had now been a few months and that feeling was back, and it was worse.
He sighed as he stared into the mirror his eyes traveling down his bare chest and torso. he wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes not wanting to see himself anymore.
