SCARRED(Sequel To Wounded)

Chapter 24

I dedicate this chapter to a dedicated reader who I appreciate a bunch...

Thanks so much for the support ❤️

Song: the art of letting go- Phora

KACELY
I have decided that I can't keep moping forever. Az might have left me but I have a life to live, I might have been hurt but I have to move on with my life. I head to the gym and take my weight and it has increased from seventy eight to eighty three in the space of three weeks! Jesus Christ!
That is motivation enough for me to work out and I do it so much that I am exhausted by the time I get home. I take a quick shower and my shoulders hurt like hell because of the bench pressing I did.

I feel so lonely. I wish Afi were here, but she will be at her dad's for another four days. Mom is out this night with Pivaga and I am in here with my thoughts. I call aunty Myriam and she complains about how I have abandoned her and all. I apologise and we talk for a while about random things till I get bored and drop the call.
I put on a movie on my laptop but I can not concerntrate. I pick up my phone and view Bryana's status, apparently yesterday was her birthday and there was a party I was unaware of.
Even if I was aware, I know better than to go there. Especially because she and Bryan share the same birthday. I swipe up on the status update and type the words

*Happy birthday Bry❤️*

No this might just annoy her, especially after everything that has gone down. I eliminate the heart emoji and type the balloon and gift emoji instead, but erase and replace with the cute hugging emoji, and then the smiley face emoji and then decide to go without emojis before sending it to her.

You know that feeling when you know you should have known better than to do something but you did it anyway and now you're regretting it yet the ship has already sailed?
That is the exact same feeling I get when I see the grey ticks at the buttom of the rectangular box on which my wish was written turn to blue. I felt so bad knowing that she had read my message but ignored it. It is however nothing compared to the pain I have put her through. I hate that the very first friend I made when I got to RCC and to Cameroon at large can't even reply my birthday wish to her.

If I hadn't met Az, God knows I would probably have ended up being with Bryana instead. I doubt the feelings would have been as deep as what I have for Az but I would have been safe, I would not be hurt the way I am now. For a moment I feel so annoyed and angry towards Az. I feel like she has put me through what I don't deserve, what I would have never gone through if we didn't meet at that beach on New Year's Eve.
And then I feel angry towards mom for deciding to hang out with the dread guy, I would not have been so idle and lonely and I wouldn't have ran my battery down and I would not have gone to that bar and I wouldn't have met her.
Well if I came with my charger I would not have had to use hers and that conversation would not have happened and she and I would not have had the events that followed.

But would that have been better? Would my life really be better if I hadn't met her at all? If we hadn't fallen in love? If we didn't have to walk through the fire together?

If I didn't meet her, I wonder... who would I even be?

I would be the same quiet, unadventurous, judgemental inexperienced boy I was. She changed me... she provoked my crucible and I cannot be mad at her for that. She may be selfish most of the time but she is a good person, she is just so hurt, lost and apparently the universe has decided that I will not be the one to hold her hand as she finds herself, and that's OK. 

I just have to learn to deal with it.

I scroll through my contacts and I reach Henry's name. I cannot believe we haven't spoken in all this time. I am afraid that he is still mad at me. But this is completely different. Whenever Henry and I have an argument, it never lasts more than a week. But it has been months!