Resonant

Chapter 21

Zale

It was spring break, and I wasn't enjoying it at all.

In past years, this had been a time I looked forward to. I could recharge, take some time to plan new lesson ideas, and spend more time with my mother and my friends. One year, Harlow and I even traveled. Since my school gave us two weeks off, you could fit a lot into one break.

I thought it would feel the same this year. I was back home with my mom and Astrea, who spent the first couple of days sulking and missing her family before realizing how nice it was to be herself and be surrounded by merfolk. No one knew her status or who her parents were; they just knew she was my sister and that she was to be treated as part of the family. She even had a room in our family wing, and I was certain I'd heard her jumping on her bed late last night, which told me she was feeling comfortable there.

With Astrea taken care of and with my mother tied up with work, I was left with a lot of time to myself. I should have been focusing on figuring out why my magic worked sometimes, and only around Fen, but not others. With my coronation rapidly approaching, that really should have been my first priority. Instead, I was in bed with the blankets pulled up under my chin, feeling hollow.

I wasn't stupid; I knew exactly why it was so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I still had depressive episodes, and clawing my way out of them could take energy I just didn't have. But that wasn't what was happening; I was just feeling low and worried because I missed Fen.

Oh, he visited a lot. He spent time with Astrea, he joined our family dinners, and he liked to spend hours in his little greenhouse. The one I wasn't allowed in because I would distract him and anyway, he didn't want me to see it before it was finished. As if I would judge his work anyway, and as if I had any basis for judging what a room full of plants looked like. Green was green, as far as I was concerned.

I wouldn't care about being shut out of the greenhouse, I thought, if it didn't cast into sharp relief what my days might be like next year. I was used to seeing Fen whenever I wanted. He was always either by my side or just down the hall, except for the occasions when he went to spend time with his friends. He was mostly on-demand.

Now, during this break, he was busy with things that weren't me and he wasn't within my reach. When he wasn't in the castle, it would take hours to get from my home to the school to visit with him. He wasn't right there anymore. And I hated it.

So yeah, I was pouting a little.

Because all of this would have been fine for a couple of weeks, but all I could think about was the fact that Fen hadn't agreed to move in with me after the semester ended. Whenever I brought it up, he got anxious and worried, and I dropped the subject immediately instead of pushing him. Maybe that was the wrong way to handle this, but I didn't like being the thing that made him feel bad.

Someone knocked on my door and I pulled the blanket over my head, as though that would make them stop.

It didn't.

"Zale! I know you're in there!" Astrea called through the door.

I sighed and pulled the blanket off. Astrea was tenacious. She wouldn't stop knocking until I answered, so I might as well get this over with.

I loved my sister, but I was not in the mood for company.

I debated getting up and answering the door, but my bed was comfortable. "Come in!" I called.

The knocking stopped immediately and the door was thrown open. She looked surprised to find me still in bed. "Did I wake you?" she asked, looking guilty.