Guava City

10

It was a few weeks after the oink incident, that my flatmate complained about me being dirty. He said I was not cleaning the flat properly. Then he said, 'How can someone that is just stocking shelves at a dirty store do not have time to clean their own mess? I have no time to clean after you, my time is money.'

Stupid kid, he had no clue of real life. He did not have any idea how good I was cleaning after myself. I laughed. Very loud, he got more upset, and kept talking non-stop. I left the flat, because I knew what would happen if I could not stop myself in those few seconds. I went out and started running. I did run for hours, then I had no energy left. I went to the hotel in front of my flat and got a room, then I slept for more than 10 hours straight. I was relieved that I did stop myself from killing that kid at least that day, avoiding acting on impulse, which is harder to clean up, when you do not plan it beforehand.

I should have replied to him that he shouldn't talk like that to strangers, you do not know people's past. You never can know what people are able to do when humiliated or just upset. This is the reason I never bullied anyone in my life, and I had my chances. I learnt my lesson pretty much early that people's faces are just a thin mask that hides monsters behind their pretty, crying or feared smile.

I used to live in a very small town, near Iquitos, Peru. It was there that I met my best friend. We were together all the time, we were the same age, both of us were weird compared to the other kids. We had the same background as well, Japanese immigrants, very poor, but before arriving in Peru our families had histories and were proud of it. My mother was very worried about my education but could not afford it. My grandparents from my mother's side had died from a disease that happened before I was born. My mum was left alone then she met my father, who made my mum his wife, because she was pretty, but always was saying how useless my mum was. And almost every night he would beat her to death. It was the strongest memory I had from them together. I do not have any memories of them being happy, I just remember my mum crying, sometimes holding me and crying and apologising because she brought me into such a life. I do remember almost everything, but I am aware that most of my memories are just a play that my brain created in accord with my wishes.

I remember that one of the motives my father would beat my mum, break her bones and them raping her, while she would try to be quiet so I and my siblings would not see such horror. He would rape her daily and say things as: 'You ugly skinny bitch, give me a son, I will fuck you until you give me a son, or I will find a proper woman.' And then kick her, punch her face and other horrible things.

He had a brother too, we used to call him Uncle Pedro. He was ugly as hell, but I guess my memories remember only the worst from him. He was short, fat, bald and had no teeth in his mouth, he would stink every day and his clothes were always dirty. He always looked at me as I was something to have, not a person. He would call me My Princess Yuna. I knew the meaning of those words. As I could feel his eyes glaring at me and he would let saliva come out of his disgusting mouth, and then he would touch himself.

One day, I came from school, I was very hungry. At home I did not find anyone, my father had gone to a nearby tavern to buy more alcohol, my mum had gone fishing in the nearby river as we did not have any food to eat. Was only my Uncle, he was sitting in the entrance door of the small house we lived in, made of old wood pieces and the floor was only sand. It would be very dusty and dirty.

'Yuna! My princess!' Uncle said, opening his arms waiting for me to go to hug him. I did not. I knew that he wanted me to touch him. Since I turned eight, it was what he asked me to do all the time when no one was at home. By that time, I was almost ten.

'Yuna, I said to you to come here. You fuck come here or will be worse. I am telling you.' He said. I froze, I was very scared by that time. I did not move and went to my bed. It wasn't separated by walls, the whole house had only one room. 'He lifted himself and came to my direction. I tried to move and ran out but it was too late. He grabbed my arm. 'You asked for it. My little bitch.' He said and started coming over me, holding me in my bed. He took off my pants, put his finger inside me, making me feel pain, but nasty, I hated that, that I felt that way. I felt my vagina becoming liquid and getting ready for what was coming next. 'I knew it, you are just a Chinese bitch. You will love it.' He moved his pants and did lay down on me, penetrating his penis very hard inside me, making me bleed, I felt my vagina breaking in pieces, I felt it hard as stone. He kissed me, in my mouth. 'I can not wait until you have boobs so I can touch it too.' He fucked me until I passed out.