Pumpkin and Plum

Chapter 9: Sloppy romance novel

My heart leaped, I knew Mia was lying. She was rejecting Darren's offer to drive her to school. But my heart sank just as fast, as she described in length about her first date.

"It's too soon to go to school with him."

"You finally learned the art of pull and push," said Wade.

"Art of what?"

"The art of pull and push, it's important in every relationship. You should push but not too far and pull not too close."

"In which sloppy romance novel did you read it?"

"Sloppy romance novel! How can you say that! (While you are already in one)."

"Mia hates romance novels," I chimed in.

Wade looked morally offended, "Are you even human? How does one hate romantic novels!"

"It's all the same! The heroine is beautiful, innocent, and most importantly a virgin. Yet she chooses to believe that she is not beautiful and the hero is way out of her league. The hero is a super hot, bad boy. He falls irresistibly for the girl while she has a serious crush on the second hero. Then the hero offers to help, they try to kiss in almost all chapters and never kiss till the book ends. In the next book, they almost break up and makeup."

"You seriously have an issue."

"Not me! All you need to do is read the first chapter and the epilogue. In between, it's only drama."

"Don't you believe in love?"

"I do, but when I love someone I will never think that I don't deserve him. It shouldn't be an inferiority complex, but love."

They continued arguing throughout the dinner. I tuned out their conversation.

I love Mia, but do I deserve her? Yes, if Mia loves me back, that is all that would matter. People would assume that since I'm fat I should be grateful for Mia's love. But I know Mia, she would want love and nothing more.

*******

Perhaps, there is hope. Mia will definitely love me back. After all, If I am not the hero of this book, why would I be monologuing this entire time.

"Don't be so sure Sam!" says Author.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Why can't a side character monologue? Honestly! As Mia said, the hero should be hot and rich. No one would want to read about just true love, it's all about excitement"

"How can you say that? Don't you believe in true love?"

"Yes! I believe Sam. But, how many books have you read about true love between some poor broken people, who go through shit all day? Every one loves a fairytale and wants an escape from reality"

"I get your point, but if I am a side character, why do you make me monologue? Why are we even having this conversation?"

"To answer your first question, I think you are funny, people like funny stuff. As for the second, you shouldn't be giving the plot away in the 9th chapter. How do you expect readers to read the whole book? Do you want to deprive me of my views and votes?"

"I am sorry, but I still think you should write about true love."

"What makes you think rich and hot people don't have true love? Let's just say! If Mia and Darren fell in love with each other, it would still be true love!"

"You wouldn't-"

"I can't say, as I said I can't give the plot away, it's just chapter 9. But I wouldn't be so sure if I were-"

"You are diabolical!"

"What did you just call me?"

Oh my God! What did I just do? Did I just call the author diabolical? She is going to kill me! Why am I monologuing! I am just 17, I want to live through the next sequel.

"You have no idea how diabolical I can be. You should get back to your chapter. And Sam, warn Wade from calling my books sloppy, or he is going to regret it."

"You wouldn't kill him!"

"No! I could do worse! I will make the part about micropenis real."

She is evil! Pure evil! Poor Wade! Why am I monologuing! Sam, get a grip! Be on her good side! Stop monologuing! Is something wrong with my ear, why do I hear an evil cackle! Why am I still monologuing!

"Because most of this book is your monologue, now get back."

***********

I didn't realise Mia and Wade were wrestling again, since I missed out on most of their argument, the reason for the fight remained unclear.

My dad was saying, "Kids please!"

For once I didn't feel like splitting them apart. Mia was having the upper hand anyway. She was sitting on Wade's back pulling his hair with one hand and her other hand held one of Wade's.

My dad looked at me helplessly, I just shrugged. He shook his head and ignored them.