THAT SECRETARY

twenty nine

i miss him. i miss donghyuck so much. i miss channie so much. i miss my family. there's just no way i can get over this pain.

crying everyday for two whole months isn't something that i wanted. drinking to forget this all is something that i needed. to think that i'd be able to get over with donghyuck was a whole joke.

i love him so much. i can see my future with him. everything is already inlined in my head. i'll get married with him, i'd have my name as channie's father in the papers, and we'd live together but even that dreams and high hopes with him were crashed. everything that were settled in my mind rebooted.

i grabbed another case from my fridge and didn't hesitate to drink it all. if there's something that i can buy to forget this pain for just a moment, then i'll pay my everything for that.

only, if there is.

i know that i've been living so unhealthy these past few days and donghyuck and channie would hate it so much. they'd scold me for not taking bath throughout the day, they'd tell me that it's not good not to brush your teeth, it's not good to drink alcohol at all, they'd scold me for everything that i'm doing now but what's the use of thinking about it?

they're not here. donghyuck broke up with me and channie's not with me. no matter how i think and analyze it, it still hurts so much as much as it hurts that night. the pain never dwindled, the pain only increased despite it being in the maximum already. i don't know.

everything was good when i planned on proposing yet shit happened. i don't know what made donghyuck do that or if there are other factors for it.

did i do wrong? what did i do for him to do this to me? to us? does channie hates me? did he really love me? if he did, then… he must've found someone new?

shit. i can't take that. of all the possibilities why, that's not what i want to hear. i don't want that to happen because i want him to be mine alone. i will always want him to be mine.

the thought made my head get heavy and suddenly, i can't take it anymore. i'm so drunk and i can't feel my surroundings or it's really not present in my head at the moment. i just want to sleep.

📝

i woke up with a very painful headache. i looked up to my clock and saw that i've been sleeping for almost the whole day already. despite me, literally just waking up, my heart clenches immediately, making me remember why i became so drunk and why i passed out.

i kicked the coffee table beside me out of frustration because i can't keep my mind off what happened, only to find out it isn't there anymore.

what the fuck?

my mind clears up as soon as i saw my place. it is very dirty and unorganized. my television isn't there anymore, as well as my fridge. i ran upstairs and found out my wallet isn't inside my drawer as well. almost everything is gone inside my room except for my picture frame with donghyuck and channie in it.

did i just got robbed?

oh god, yes, i did.

i cursed and attempt to call someone on my phone only to find out it's not with me nor in my house. it was stolen, as well. frustration builds up inside of me. i can't even call nor contact someone because my phone, laptop and fuck… even my car isn't here.

i swear i'm going to fucking kill whoever did this.

i started to pace around and kick everything that i see.