The Bad Boy and His Good Side (Shawn Mendes AU)

Chapter 33

"I'll be back Sunday morning, princess." I kiss Vivian's forehead and zip up my duffle bag.

"But that's after Valentine's day." She frowns, bowing her head.

"I know, I have go to this. It's a family thing." I tip her head with her chin resting between my thumb and forefingers. "And I promise we'll spend all of Sunday together."

She lays back on my bed, her head neighboring my empty guitar case. "Alright." 

-Vivian's POV

Last night, Shawn convinced me go to my therapist for at least one appointment. In addition to doing what Aaron found impossible, he'd done it over the phone while sitting the car with his family. At my mention of an appointment in the next half hour, he'd set his mind on persuading me to go. 

Instead I'd been completely stupid, and ignored Shawn. It's Thursday, we have the next few days off school. So I've made a completely mindless decision to work up my courage and see him. I sit in my parked car, staring out my car window at the brick building in front of me. 

Do it. I tell myself. He's being posses my dreams again, sense the accident. As I climb out of my car, I feel someone watching me. There's parking garage across the street, it quite possible there's peering eyes on a higher level. Perhaps it's just the wind.

Soon I find myself at the front desk on the building. "I, uh, would like to speak to inmate I-Ian-" I can't bring myself to stutter his last name. Panicking, I glance to the woman and bite my lip she slides a list to me, with a list of inmates and their ID numbers. "B8239," I mumble.

"This way, please." She says, handing me a badge. I follow her down a long hall, with cold, concrete floors that bounce your footsteps. There's a tan painted room at the end, containing a table and three chairs. I sit down. "Wait one moment."

Within a few minutes I'm facing, him. I never thought this day would happen.

"You." He looks at me, I can't tell if he's happy or he's angry. There's purple shadows under his stormy sky eyes, he doesn't look like the boy I thought to have loved not so long a go. He reaches across the table, I flinch even though his hands don't get far. His wrists restrain him, with heavy chains bound to him. "I still love you."

"Still? If you loved me, why did you try to kill me?" I have a burst of confidence.

"I was drunk, and angry. But now, I've been sober for awhile and, I'm just sorry. Please take me back, baby." He pleads, weaving his hands together.

"You expect me to accept that? And don't you dare call me that. Listen, I didn't come here because I missed you, nor did I come here to bitch at you. I came because I wanted to see what this place has worn you down to, and how you've been sleeping on what you did to me. Just so I could see you pay for every last thing you caused." I let out, it's not my intentions that I'd thought. But I realize now, it was part of my cause. Truthfully, I don't know why I came. Hot tears burned down my cheeks. "I came because, I wanted to know how you were doing."

"When the told me I had a visitor, I thought they were joking. Now I wish they had been." He mumbles, I can't tell if I was meant to hear that or not. I fidget in the chair, he looks up at me. "I hate myself, honestly," he adds, "That's how I'm doing, you're the first person who's come here. Thank god though, I've only been able to think about how awfully you must think of me because of the things I did to you.  But I do wish the people who I thoguht were my friends would show their face and act like they like me, or at least answer my damn phone calls. How are they?" 

He hasn't a clue that the whole world--besides a few people--think he's dead. I take a deep breath, he deserves to know. "I wouldn't know, I don't speak with them. But back in November, they kipnapped me and drugged me, to get revenge." 

"Revenge for what? They know it's my fault I'm here." 

"They think you died, so that's why they haven't come here. The whole world thinks it." I mumble, he looks at me.

An emotion I thought he didn't know covered his face, fear. Then suddenly understanding. "Please, talk to them. Tell them I'm here, I'm begging you." 

"Why? So you can see your friends, who tried to make me a prostitute? Because you miss them? Because you're fucking lonely?" I snapped mentally a bit. "Well guess what? I was lonely most of the time we were dating, when you told me I couldn't see my best friend. Half the time we were together, I felt like a damn prisonner. Now you get to know how that felt." I laugh slightly in between the raining tears. 

"I'm sorry." He looks up at me, I'm standing now, he looks helpless. But I can stand it. 

"That can't fix the damage you did." I leave the room with him yelling behind me, for me to come back. I keep up my brisk pace, holding the cemented straight face, until I'm in my car. There in the front seat, I begin sobbing again. My shaking hands pick up my phone, as tears drip on the screen I dial Matt's number. "Matt, c-can you meet me at the Coney Island downtown?"

"Yeah, why are you crying?" He says concerned, with the sound of my shaking voice. 

"I'll tell you when you get there." I cry into the phone. After ending the call, I throw my phone into the passenger seat and put my head on the steering wheel. Then let out a much needed scream if distress. I turn my keys, then speed out of the penitentairy. My vision is blurred some from the tears, but I'm distacted on a stubborn thought. If should tell Shawn what I just did, or let only one soul know. It dawns on me that it could upset Shawn, even if it'd be better for him to know in the longrun. 

What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I convince myself, to use that excuse if I'm questioned about telling him. 

Why did I get so caught up in that?