HUNGRY EYES || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 35 | Private

"Well, I only think that way because this is you, if it was another guy or girl, I wouldn't be okay with it," I make it clear so that he knows this would not work the same way with someone else. "But why do you ask me that? Are you both maybe hiding something from me?" I ask it in a joking manner to see his reaction, feeling like something is wrong, but he flies his hand up to his hair again and shakes his head, chuckling nervously. "No. We're not. No matter what Jungkook claims about his sexuality, he's as straight as a damn ruler, so no worries."

"You think so?" I gaze down at his hands that he is holding together, but he touches his band-aid again. "Yeah. I know that he wouldn't fall in love with a guy, so that means he's straight, right?"

"I guess," I do not give a certain answer, not knowing exactly what Jungkook has on his mind. I feel like he does not either. "But what about you?"

He raises his eyes up at this question. "I'm straight too..." he nods his head, but in a slow manner, making his answer very questionable. "It seems like you're asking yourself," I do not keep it myself, but he just hums and laughs. "Does it?"

"Yes," I move onto my spot to put my legs over each other on the mattress, and I grab a plushie to hug it while having this conversation with him. "Well..." he straightens his back and lifts his arms up to comb his hair back with both of his hands. "I don't know."

"I feel like a lot of people don't know exactly what they are, but I do believe that it doesn't matter. You can enjoy your life without caring about whether you like girls, boys, or both, we should only care about being happy with whatever we feel. Like, you know, the only thing that should matter is 'I like this person', 'I'm attracted to them', and that's it, nothing should make you feel like what you feel is wrong," I speak thoughtfully and notice that he is agreeing with me. "I wish I could do that...but my dad makes it seem like it's the most horrendous thing ever to like boys. He's not against girls liking girls, but boys liking boys? He'd kill me for doing such a thing."

"Don't let him make you feel like that. There's nothing wrong with liking boys just because you're one. In which century does he live?" I try my best to control my anger, hating to hear that he has to endure that and feel bad for his feelings, for who he is. "It's such a man thing to be alright with two girls kissing but once they see two boys holding hands, they act like it's the most disgusting thing they've ever seen. It pisses me off..."

"Me too...but unfortunately, they are still many people who have this mindset, and who would literally hurt someone physically because they're gay...That's sad, but we cannot do anything about it. Assholes are everywhere, and the good people have to deal with them," he sighs, and I share his thoughts. "Yeah...that's how life is, unfortunately."

"Hm..." a pout appears on his face, but he fiddles with his band-aid for the hundredth time as if he was uncomfortable with it. "Just know that whatever you feel, you're not weird or disgusting. You're an amazing person, and you deserve to be with someone who will always love you sincerely."

"Thank you for saying that," he softly lets his words out in a quiet voice, acting shy. "I hope I will."

"Has Jungkook already tried to find you a girl? I know that a lot of guys always do this type of thing where they try to set their best friend with someone so that they don't stay single," I curiously ask him, wondering if they are a part of this type, but he shakes his head. "He knows I'm not looking for a girl since the last time I dated one."

"Ah alright, it's your choice," I now get it, even if I already understood the other day when he talked about his ex-girlfriend who ruined the meaning of love for him. I wish he did not have to go through that and end up in this sort of torment in which he believes that no one will ever love him. "I...I know that I won't be able to live my whole life with him by my side, there to protect me and make me happy, and all that stuff, but so far, I've been doing well with him, and I don't need...anyone," he reveals some more of his feelings that seem to have been deeply buried into him. "Have you told him about it?"

The movement of his head makes it obvious that he has not. "I don't want him to know that, otherwise he's going to be even more scared to leave me. I'm already clingy enough."

"You're not clingy, everything he does for or with you, he does them because he loves you and cares about you. When someone means the world to you, you'll do everything possible to make them happy and safe," I get rid of those thoughts that are not true, reassuring him about what I know after what Jungkook already told me. "I just feel like...I know it's bad, but I feel like I wouldn't be able to live without him...he's been with me for so long, he's dealt with so many of my problems, taken care of me, taught me many things, and always protected me, helped me...and he's not even tired of me. I'm scared to live without him...but I'll never tell him about this. I don't want to pressure him with that."

"It's understandable, you know. If I was you, I'd feel the same way for sure," I do not make him feel even worse since I know he thinks low of himself. "When someone makes you feel like the most important and precious one, that you spent a big part of your life with them, it's hard to let go, especially in your case where he has been the only one there for you. It's impossible to not feel like you do. And I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to live without you either. He's so attached to you, this will be hard to put some distance between you both."

He stares into space as if he was thinking, so I remain quiet as well, not minding the silence at all. I keep my eyes fixed on him, but he drops his shiny ones down and licks his lips to squeeze his bottom one with his teeth. "I hope it is the case."

"It is, don't worry about it," I do not doubt my statement. After all the things I heard from Jungkook and saw, I know for sure that it is how he thinks and feels. "Anyway," he checks his phone. "I've taken so long. I should go now, Jungkook is probably waiting to come here," he grins but stands up from my bed. "He hasn't asked anything yet, so no worries, he's probably letting you have all the time you need."

"Yeah," he scratches his head, but since he is ready to go, I leave the bed as well and walk up to the door with him. "If you ever need or want to talk again, feel free to come here, text or call me, alright? You'll never bother me."

"Thank you very much, it means a lot," he goes back in a proper posture after putting his shoes back on. "And thank you for letting me kinda have a ted talk with you," he chuckles, and I do so. "It was great for me too."

"I'm glad to hear it," he tucks one hand in a pocket of his jacket and grabs the handle of the door. "I'll probably text you tonight, I'm gonna talk to Kimoon now so...I hope it will go well."

"I hope so too, don't be scared to be honest with him," I suggest him, and he takes this advice. "I will. See you tomorrow, and enjoy your time with Kook," he kindly tells me and opens the door, so I thank him, with a smile, but he shows some surprise right when he steps out. "Oh. You're here."

"Yeah, I was waiting," Jungkook rises from the floor, this impatient man not even realizing that he could have been waiting here for an hour or more. "So," he stands in front of Hojun before he could go away. "Are you okay?"

"I am," the hesitant boy answers him, peeking at me as if he was afraid that I might blab all the things that he told me about him. "Hm," Jungkook takes a glance at me as well, both acting a bit weird. "Do you wanna stay with us?" he suddenly asks, but Hojun does not even think twice before replying. "No, I gotta go anyway."

"Oh, alright. Well then, see you tomorrow, my baby boy," he pinches his cheek and giggles, before entering my room, but Hojun only smiles and looks at me. "See you."

"See you," I say the same words, and he walks away to leave this building, so I close the door.