healer ; ateez x reader

; chapter 22

AN: i know this chapter is so long overdue but honestly, i hadn't experienced writer's block this bad so i apologize if the chapter isn't what yall hoped for :(( I'm hoping to get back into writing more chapters soon!! 

thank you all for your continuous support and i hope yall enjoy <3 

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The concept of death was something that everyone seemed to fear. From what lies in the afterworld, to what our souls may or may not experience - it's ultimately the fear of the unknown.

"What do you think happens to us when we die?"

"What do you mean? When we die, we die... there's not much to it."

It was a younger boy's voice this time. Although the visions, or memories, surprised you every time they appeared in your mind like a dream, you quickly found comfort in the reoccurring voices. The sense of familiarity was beyond that of just the vision; it had felt like you had known the voices for years.

Though your previous visions had looked grey and dreary, this one was bright and you could make out two bodies laying down on a rooftop. Their skin was kissed with orange tones, making you believe they were lying below the sunset.

"Amber always said when we die, our souls stay on earth. No one can see it, but we're brought back to look over our loved ones."

The young boy sighed, "what about people who didn't have any loved ones?"

"Everyone's bound to have someone that loved them. Maybe even their parents..." the feminine voice spoke. Her tone was soft and almost child-like.

The air quickly turned heavy, however, at the mention of parents as the two blank faces turned towards you.

"I wonder then... who loves me."

It had been a day since you and Rei had gotten attacked by Kai.

Your room was quiet and tense. You almost felt as if the walls were closer together than they were prior - they felt suffocating.

Your bed was unkept and messy as the bedsheets were sprawled out and grazing the floor. The clock on your wall sounded louder than normal, forcing you to listen to the passing time; the time passed since Rei was taken to Jongho.

"I promise Jongho will try to help him now. Yunho did the best he could," San encouraged after he led you to your room.

You tried to stay hopeful that day as Akemi was reminding you to stay positive every five minutes. However, you could never forget the feeling in your chest the moment Jongho had stepped out of his room with fiddling fingers and nerve-ridden eyes.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/n)."

It wasn't the guilt of losing him that burdened you; yes, many people experience survivor's guilt after a traumatic situation, but it was an odd sense of longing. Though you were surrounded by seven of your closest friends, you felt as though you had lost one of the first friends you had ever made. Someone you could personally, confidentially recognize.

You couldn't help but feel saddened when remembering you felt this same feeling after you all had left Deciem. With Ateez, it was as though you were constantly left guessing who the person is and how they may react at any given moment, but with Deciem you knew everyone; and that's what frightened you the most.

"(Y/n)?"

Your eyes moved upwards towards the frame of the door as you recognized the voice of San.

"Come in," you answered quietly.