The Billionaire's Nanny

Gone (Lucas POV)

I curled into a ball, clutching one of her pillows and drowning myself in the sweet scent of hers that wafted through me. It was enough to lull me to into a dreamless sleep. I held the pillow around me, convincing myself that it was her and that tomorrow when I went to bed, I would really be holding her in my arms because she would come back.

***

Rays of light warmed my face, bolting me awake. It was early the next morning and the sun filtered in through her open curtain window, but she was still not there.

Panic rose in my chest, as the awareness of her absence dawned on me, then followed by the loss of will to do anything. Even move.

I lay on the bed, arms and legs spread wide as I stared up at the ceiling. I had fucked us up, pushed her away with my lies and secrets and after last night she must have felt like a fool for trusting me. I felt like a fool for hurting the woman I loved so much.

I let my thoughts flow, roaming different possibilities and scenarios. Scenarios where I had handled the issues with Sarah better and never let her cross paths with Christine. Scenarios where I had been honest with her from the very beginning. If only I had not let my fear of losing her overshadow the will, to be honest with her.

None of that mattered now, because she was gone.

Being the idiot that I was, I managed to push the best thing that had ever happened to my life away. The kids would be shattered. She had promised to stay with them forever but I could not blame her for breaking that promise. A person could only handle so much deception. Now it was my fault my kids had to suffer yet another woman walking out of their lives.

Defeated, I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to the window overlooking the neighborhood below. Chris was out there somewhere. I just had to find her, see her, hold her and tell her how sorry I was for all the lies and half-truths. She was hurting, I knew that but I could not let her go, I could not let her slip through my fingers just like that. Not without so much as a goodbye, not without any closure.

I had to at last try to find her. For both of us, for all of us, I could not lose Chris.

With renewed resolve, I threw on a pair of jeans and a button-down after a quick shower. If there was anyone who would know where Chris was it was her best friend, followed by my sister who was probably still pissed at having her engagement party crashed for all the drama last night.

But first I had to make sure the name Sarah was completely washed away from our lives and the one way I could do that was finalizing the divorce. Soon.

I climbed down the stairs in hurried steps, ready to make myself a coffee and fix an appointment with the attorney to quicken the process. I jerked up in surprise as I met Emma in the kitchen, going about her usual chores. Her presence was surprising, because I had given her the next few weeks off, seeing as the kids were away on their holiday with my parents, and I wanted to make the most of this time with Chris. We had made a long list of plans, sadly those pans would not be carried out and it was all thanks to my fuck up.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I stepped further into the kitchen.

She turned around to look at me with a shocked smile. "G-good morning Mr. Maxwell..." she stuttered, holding her hand on her chest in surprise. "I wasn't expecting to see you here this morning."

She was right, I was supposed to spend the night back at my parent's if all had gone well last night. "That did not answer the question." for some reason, she looked so suspicious this morning, and she was fidgeting like she had been caught for something. I wondered why. "you had the next few weeks off, why did you come back today?"