The Billionaire's Nanny

Ill

"What do you think about this one?" I raised the ball of yarn so Mia could get a better view.

"Abby would love it," she said, wheeling the cart closer and taking one to get a better look. "She's a pink princess."

"So green for Aiden and Pink for Abby, typical twins," I chuckled and filled her cart with the balls in my hand.

It had been a week since Lucas and I decided to take a break from each other. The week had been horribly difficult and it was even more difficult on days where we had to go through an activity together with the kids. I realized soon enough that we were both doing a shit job at going with the flow of just employer and employee. So I made the choice to avoid him as much as possible, but that only seemed to make him come closer, clearly, I was not the only one terrible at staying away.

Lucas could only do so much to respect my boundaries to give me some space and time, but at whatever chance he got, he would make me sit next to him for dinner, or leave a mild touch on my arm when I was not looking.

I missed him. God, I missed him so damn much. It was killing me to know that he was just a few rooms down the hall yet I had to cry myself to sleep because I could not go to him, I could not hold him or touch him or kiss him. It felt like the foster home again, where we were allowed to stare all day at the jar of cookies on the table but never allowed to go close enough to touch or even have a taste.

There had been days when my resolve nearly faltered and on the most recent day, I went almost as far as knocking on Lucas's bedroom door. But as the events of the last few weeks replayed in my mind, I found myself retreating to my room, with a renewed feeling of pain and anger.

He had hidden it from me. And even worse, he still refused to let go after I found out. It was hell living like this, knowing I loved him but could not express it to him, but it would kill me, even more, to know that he only wanted me because he saw me as her.

Thankfully, I could hold on to the love from Abby and Aiden, and even better, I could distract myself with helping Mia prepare for her engagement which was now barely two weeks away. And if after Mia's engagement, I still needed a distraction, we were approaching the months of celebration and I had a ton of gifts to make and shop for.

"What will you make for Lucas?" Mia asked as we continued walking down the aisle trying to find the perfect colors to work with those I had chosen.

Mia had noticed the tension between me and Lucas since she visited more often than any other family member, but I was glad to see that she had not tried to make any further inquires on the topic. But with this question now, I knew she was making a subtle hint at trying to find out what was going on between me and her brother.

"Why would you think I want to get him something?" I shrugged, ignoring the way her face morphed into shock.

"I guess I need to remind you that you are Lucas's girlfriend?" she quirked a brow.

"Was..." I corrected, taking out a saucepan from one of the rows and holding it up, "You do know you cannot start a new home without a saucepan,"

Mia gave me a knowing look and grabbed the pan from me, "We're not changing the topic so easily," she put it back in its place and grabbed my hand leading me further down to the cash counter. After hurriedly paying for every other thing we had bought so far, she led me into the nearest cafe at the mall.

"Spill," she said as the waiter went away to get our orders.

"There' nothing to spill" I shrugged, trying to keep a straight face at the reminder of all the problems in the last few weeks.