The meaning of protecting you with my life

Staying by your side, but not in the same way as before

Lan Wangji was playing for Wei Ying and his mind was in turmoil despite his fingers being steady on the strings, after all, he had played this exact melody so many times in the last three weeks that he would have been able to do so in his sleep by now.

He did not know if he should feel happy that Wei Ying had accepted his offer to play for him unlike all those times during the Sunshot campaign or if he should be worried instead. Worried because his husband still stubbornly refused to call him by his given name again and to look at him properly.

In fact, the atmosphere in the room had been awkward ever since he had stepped in. He could tell that Wei Ying had been in distress and confused, yet he did not know how else to help him but by playing the song he had composed for him and which his husband had requested in the direst of times.

As the song continued, he slowly relaxed after seeing that Wei Ying was now meditating and looking calm at last. He did not know if his husband was pretending to meditate because he was trying to hide the truth about his missing golden core or if he was actually feeling better but it did not matter much. Wei Ying's face did not lie; there was no tension to it and no sharpness around his closed eyes, his whole body looked relaxed as well.

When the song finished, Lan Wangji let his hands rest in his lap and waited for Wei Ying's reaction. His husband slowly opened his eyes and there was peace in his eyes. If Lan Wangji wanted to be hopeful, he would say that there was even a glint of relief and gratitude in them. He did not want any thanks for his assistance, he had been satisfied with the knowledge that Wei Ying let him play for him at all.

He had not however been prepared for his husband's question: "Lan Zhan, what is the name of that song? I remember you playing it for me in the cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter and then humming it during the final battle. Is it some very old and powerful healing music of your clan?"

Lan Wangji's heart almost jumped out of his chest. Wei Ying sounded so peaceful and relaxed, and he had even called him by his birth name again! That was a great improvement. He wondered if now was the right time to finally tell him about his feelings and about the fact that they were already married, at least in his eyes. He still had to ask if Wei Ying would want to honour this union or if he would reject him after learning the truth.

Before he even consciously decided, his mouth was already having a mind of its own: "WangXian."

He had waited so long for this moment and now that that words were out of his mouth, he finally felt at peace. He did not know if Wei Ying would understand them in the same way, but they were actually his heartfelt confession of love for him.

He did not avert his eyes; he did not want to miss even the smallest of tells that his husband would give him about accepting or rejecting his feelings. Wei Ying looked taken by surprise at first and Lan Wangji did not blame him. He had been less than subtle about his confession after all, who would not be surprised?

He almost could not resist his urge to go embrace and kiss the other when he saw tentative and fragile hope being born in his husband's eyes as the fact was slowly sinking in.

"Lan Zhan..." there was hesitation and his tone was small but there was no rejection as of yet, "who wrote that song?"

"I did," informed Lan Wangji solemnly. Now everything was out in the open and all Lan Wangji could do was wait. Still, he did not let go of this opportunity and admitted quietly, a whisper really: "For you."

Wei Ying looked even more surprised now, his mouth was actually coming agape a little and it was extremely adorable. Lan Wangji could not believe his luck; as of now, there was no rejection nor disgust in his husband's eyes. Could it be that it would all go this smoothly? Or could it be that Wei Ying was actually even returning his feelings with how gentle and soft his eyes were? Lan Wangji did not want to assume anything as it would hurt badly to learn the opposite if it came to it. Still, hope was a treacherous thing that refused to leave his heart.

He watched his husband's expression with great anticipation and fear. The surprise which had been there had very slowly morphed into disbelief. Then, a blooming realization came with tears gathering in his eyes and Lan Wangji had a great urge to reach out and kiss them away even before they would spill out of those beautiful grey orbs.

It the end, his husband's expression settled on awe as he asked, his voice even smaller than ever before, careful yet full of hope of his own: "Lan Zhan, do you mean... is it true... Or am I just assuming on my own?"

It seemed like his husband was thoroughly shocked and for once unable to speak clearly. Lan Wangji smiled and took pity on him. It was also that he had wanted to say those words for the longest time now, perhaps even from the first moment he had laid eyes on his husband on that night of the full moon as he had been sneaking Emperor's Smile to Cloud Recesses: "Wei Ying, I love you."

The tears which had been visible in his husband's eyes until then were now streaming out onto his cheeks unchecked. Now that Lan Wangji could tell that Wei Ying was surely not rejecting him, he finally leaned forward and kissed the tears away as he had wanted moments ago. He put his hands on each side of his husband's face and held it in place as the other leaned into his touch.

And then there were Wei Ying's hands on Lan Wangji's shoulders and their lips were touching in a feverish explorative journey. The Second Jade could have never imagined how sweet his husband's lips would taste and he could just not have enough even though he was already in need to take a breath or there was a chance he would suffocate. He would not mind dying right now, knowing that his perfect husband returned his feelings.

Wei Ying pulled a little away and Lan Wangji frowned before that expression had been wiped away from his face completely hearing his husband whisper sweetly into his ear: "Lan Zhan, I love you too. Always had, from the very first second I saw you."

This led to another heated moment and Lan Wangji found out that they were getting better and better at this. He had literally no experience but it did not matter. It was as if his body and mind knew what to do anyway.

It took them an eternity before they separated from each other, although their hands remained intertwined. It felt so natural like this. Lan Wangji could finally have his husband only to himself. Should he push forward even more and tell Wei Ying that they had already been married as well? How would his husband react to that? He had high hopes as the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple returned his feelings and if their passionate kissing had anything to say about that, Lan Wangji would swear that the other was completely infatuated with him.

Then Wei Ying's face suddenly became serious and the Second Jade was fearing the worst. Had Wei Ying perhaps come to regret his confession? Had Lan Wangji been too forward? Or was there something he had forgotten?

"Lan Zhan, does that mean you will stay with me despite the fact that I am a feared demonic cultivator? Even if I will still not want to pick up the sword again?"

Wei Ying's eyes were pleading and Lan Wangji would never deny him anything when he was looking like that.

"Mn, will always stay with Wei Ying."

"Even though you have hated me during the Sunshot campaign?" This time, Wei Ying seemed confused.

From his statement alone, Lan Wangji finally understood why it had been so hard for him to get through to his husband during the war. Wei Ying had been convinced that the Second Jade hated him and probably thought that he had wanted to punish him or imprison him for his use of the demonic cultivation when Lan Wangji had asked him to come back to Gusu with him. It was all making sense now and the Second Jade wanted to weep at how wrong his husband had been.

"Never hated Wei Ying. Wanted to bring him to Cloud Recesses and protect him."

"Lan Zhan..." his husband wailed after a second and the tears had restarted. Wei Ying all but threw himself at Lan Wangji and the Second Jade cradled him closer to his chest and let him cry while he was patting his head reassuringly and kissing the crown of his hair. He felt like he had finally gotten through to his husband and that everything would be fine from now on, they would face every challenge together.