The meaning of protecting you with my life

Farewells

Jiang Fengmian had never been one to openly express his emotions. It was even more clear when it came to his family and how much he loved them, all four of them. Instead, he preferred subtler ways of showing affection, which, sad to say, his wife more often than not did not pick up on even more often resulting in fights between them. He was still not completely sure even at this point if Yu Ziyuan loved him or not.

That was all the reason why when Zidian reacted to him, he was so stunned. He would have never thought that his wife would allow him to wield her spiritual weapon. He had always been afraid that she would not so he had never asked nor tried. Now however, it was clear to him that his wife in fact loved him, just as much as he loved her. It made something in him melt in happiness as he caressed the ring. He would have outright kissed it if the children were not there to see it.

Right, the children. Why would his wife tie them up and send them away? And in such a distressed state too. What had happened in Lotus Pier?

He had learned soon enough and his blood froze. It had been clear for some time already that a war with the Qishan Wen sect was inevitable, they had become more and more demanding and tyrannical in their ways over the last years, but he was still shocked that it had come right now. He had hoped that the fragile and pretended peace would last for a little bit longer, until the children would be old enough so he would not have to fear for them this much.

If it was true and the Wen soldiers were just now attacking Lotus Pier, his wife's intentions in sending the children away had become evident at once. Children were the world's future, if they fall, who would lead the next generations? They had to survive and be protected at all costs!

He took Jiang Yanli's hand and shoved her gently towards her brothers, not minding the children's pleading for him to stop. He would not heed to them, not this time, not when the Core Melting Hand was storming Lotus Pier. The children had just started their paths in cultivation, he could not allow them to be hurt in any way, even more so when it came to losing their golden cores this young, it would traumatize and incapacitate them for life.

He stretched out his hand and let Zidian tie them up together once more. They all started pleading even more urgently now and it was almost breaking his heart to see them this distressed, no child should ever go through something like this. But it was too late now, he could not help them any more than this, he had to hurry back to save his wife and to protect his home. It did not matter at all if Lotus Pier would be destroyed, he was a sect leader and he had to protect his sect, and the Yunmeng Jiang sect was not a place, it was the people. He had to go back and get as many disciples and town's people as he could to safety.

So he hardened his heart against their pleas, and looked at them with a serious expression. They had to understand that he was not sending them away because he thought they could not help in the fight, but because he was worried about them and had to protect them at all costs.

"Listen to me," he started, his voice devoid of all emotions lest he would break down and scare the children even more, "do not come back. Follow this direction, do not turn back, do not go to Lotus Pier. Once it will be safe to land, head to Meishan to meet your grandmother. I will go back for my wife."

Just as he had expected, all three of them now started protesting, he could see tears in their eyes. His heart was now truly breaking. No, he would not listen to them, they had to be safe, they could not come back to Lotus Pier with him, it was too dangerous.

"You must stay safe and sound," he muttered under his breath, more for himself then to reassure the children.

He could not bear their desperate begging anymore so he turned around, ready to leave and head back to Lotus Pier, every second counted now. However, from the corner of his eye, he caught something glistering on Jiang Cheng's cheek, his youngest child was crying. He took a steadying breath and tried to ignore it and leave the children to save themselves.

"Uncle Jiang," it was Wei Wuxian's voice now. Jiang Fengmian had never heard him this broken, not even when he had picked him up from the streets. The child had always had a bright smile, no matter the circumstances, always but now. Jiang Fengmian could hear that the boy was crying, for the first time since he knew him. "If something happens to you, we will not be safe and sound either."

Jiang Fengmian's already hurting heart came to known new levels of sadness. He knew that Wei Wuxian had always put himself in a role of a protector of their family. Since very young, even before he had been able to pick up a sword, he always proclaimed that he would protect his siblings. It had been very sweet of him, but sometimes, Jiang Fengmian could not shake off the feeling that the boy felt insecure and unsure of his place in the family.

Wei Wuxian even tried to mediate some arguments between him and his wife when he came upon them, always effectively attracting Yu Ziyuan's attention to himself. He had never stopped to try and mend their broken and dysfunctional family. Now it looked like he was once again attempting to keep them together. It was tugging at Jiang Fengmian's heartstrings, although he would not let himself be swayed.

All his determination vanished as if by magic when he heard a quiet sob, this time it was Jiang Yanli. He swiftly turned back, he had to at least say goodbye to them, to let them know at least once that he truly loved them and cared for them. Perhaps he would never again have this opportunity. He hoped that the children already knew that, but he could not be sure, he should have been clearer in showing his affection and love towards them from the very beginning. It was too late to regret now.

He turned around at once and saw all three children crying. His heart broke for real right at that moment.

He went back to them, realizing he really needed to let them know he was not abandoning them, he was trying to protect them so they could grow strong and be able to fight their own battles when the time came.

He went first to his youngest who seemed the most broken-hearted. He only hesitated for a second, not used to showing his love this openly. Then he cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears streaming down from his red eyes.

"You fool," he said, all emotional, "do not cry. I did not say I will not come back."

It did nothing to calm Jiang Cheng at all, tears continued to come out of his eyes and if anything, he started sobbing even more desperately. Jiang Fengmian knew he had years to make up for, years of affection to be expressed and many, many talks to have with his children. He wanted to see them grow up, to become stronger and stronger until they would not need his protection anymore. It was too late to regret it now, if he would not hurry, Lotus Pier could fall.

He then turned to Jiang Yanli, doing the same as with her brother. She was also crying, although not as hard as Jiang Cheng. Jiang Fengmian could only hope that since she was older and more mature, she understood better than her younger siblings. It was however still heart-breaking to see her cry like this. He looked at her with fondness in his eyes, something he only rarely did and saw her expression calm down slightly, she understood.

Both his children were so distressed right now, and there was no more time to lose, he had to go back to Lotus Pier and do his best to save his wife and the Yunmeng Jiang sect. He was not sure he would come back as he had just promised to Jiang Cheng. He had to leave, now. But not before assuring himself that the children will be safe.

He went to Wei Wuxian. The boy, although broken just like his siblings, seemed a little bit more composed. Jiang Fengmian though that it was because he had once again assumed his role of the protector of his children and did not want to cause them even more distress. He was also not openly sobbing like the others, even though tears were staining his face all the same.

Jiang Fengmian put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. He wanted to encourage him, to reassure him that he was grateful that he would protect the others. He was the strongest between them and he had the biggest chance to accomplish this and keep his children safe. "A-Ying, you must watch out for A-Cheng and A-Li."

Then, he felt like even Wei Wuxian's protection may not be enough. If a war had truly started, the children had to stay together, at all times. It could not be only Wei Wuxian taking care of them, but they had to watch each other's backs. He felt his emotions finally getting the better of him, he was close to tears himself, not knowing if he would see his children ever again.

They had to stay together. Always. He did not even realize he said the last part of his thoughts aloud. He turned around swiftly, hiding his emotions as always and ordered the disciples on his boat to head to Lotus Pier.