A Victim Of My Own Creation

CHAP 2- I Own This Look Dude!

Don't get me wrong though.... I mean there's a hot dude in my bedroom.....why wouldn't I be happy? Besides the fact that I'm standing here in nothing but a t-shirt! Jeez I like the dude but I'm not going to be throwing myself at him!

After Blade goes downstairs I throw on a plain purple t-shirt, faded denim capris and a pair of black flip flops then plug my headphones into my ears. I turn up the volume pretty loud until I drown out the sound of everything around me and all I can hear are the lyrics to The Last Night by Skillet blasting through my eardrums. On an average day this song would be one of my favourites but now it just makes me feel to cry and I don't want to end up crying in front of Blade, now do I? I obviously don't want him thinking I'm a wuss. While switching the song to Party Poison by My Chemical Romance I make my way downstairs feeling my mood lighten a bit and head into the kitchen. I got two bottles of water out of the fridge and tossed one to Blade after hungrily gulping down about half of mine.

Blade signalled for me to come join him in the living room. As I got nearer to the couch he patted the spot next to him, motioning for me to sit down. We sat in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company. I had to try my hardest to fight back a flood of tears as I recalled the events of my dream....or maybe I should call it a NIGHTMARE instead because that dream seriously scared the shit out of me.

I ran back to kitchen when my tears threatened to overflow from my eyes. I sat at the table and buried my faced in my hands sobbing like a little girl.

'C'mon....MAN UP!!....You CANNOT let Blade see you like this!...What's he gonna think of you?...You're gonna be a joke to him now...All you'll be to him is 'Jayde who can't control her emotions and who's a little cry baby.' the little voice in my head pressed. How can a little voice be so loud!?

'OH JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU?......YOU'RE MAKING MY HEAD HURT...GO CRAWL BACK UNDER YOUR ROCK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!!' I screamed back at my little voice.

 It just laughed back at me and said, 'Ok..well don't say I didn't try...and you're really mean, you know that?' I actually think it sounded hurt.

'I try my best' I replied, hoping that it would leave me alone.

I couldn't get the image of my father out of my head, God I loved him so much. He was the best dad in the world. Every evening he would make time to finish up at the office early just to come home and play with Chase and I, and every Saturday we would watch movies together. I missed that the most. Now it's just Chase and I.

I sat there for a couple of minutes before there was a knock on the wall but I didn't need to raise my head to know that it was Blade. I quickly gathered myself, dried my eyes and turned to face him.

"Jayde? You ok? Crap I shouldn't have asked that. You're clearly not. Is there anything I can do to help?" Blade asked as he walked over to me and knelt down.

"No"

"Okay then. Is this about your dream?"

I nodded and bit my lip.

"Oh" was all he said as a new wave of tears washed over me.

I probably bawled my eyes out for what seemed like hours while Blade just sat there and held me. I'm grateful that he was there to comfort me but I wish he was someone else though. I wonder what he thinks of me now that he's seen me crying? An emotional wreck probably?....Haha

"Sssshh. Everything's gonna be ok. It was just a dream" he cooed in my ear while rubbing small circles on my back.

I pulled away from Blade looking up to his face. "Are you feeling a little better now?" he asked.