OVERLOOKED ㅤkotlc

068

ROSALEEN ELLIS

It happened, and now it's over, and now we're all sad, and what even happened?

Glimmer and Jae check on me once Dex leaves. They hold me as I cry. They don't ask what happened, because I don't tell them.

A good kind of love is when you laugh until your face hurts, but I guess the same goes for when you're held as you cry until your lungs hurt.

Jae says one moment, and then she goes and then she comes back with ice cream.

I softly laugh until I cry again and that doesn't take very long. We eat ice cream together, until I don't cry because I can't anymore.

I'm leaving them and I'm leaving Ixora, who I've learnt to call Ixora. And Dex did this, but I'm sure he didn't mean to, but he thinks he's better than Ixora, but maybe he didn't mean that either.

"I have to see Ixora," I say once the tub is empty.

They exchange glances, knowing something's up. Glimmer hugs me. "Go ahead," she says.

I check the mirror to make sure I look like I haven't cried, then I walk to her room, which I've memorized. I pray she's in there.

Once I knock, I find out she is. She's not wearing her addler.

She looks me up and down. "Hello?" Ixora says, and her voice is polite and suspicious.

I can't remember her voice sounding any other way. Maybe Dex was right.

"Hi, sorry. Can I talk to you?"

She eyes me weird, but she's too nice to say no. She lets me in, and we sit at a table, making eye contact that doesn't feel real.

"What do you need?" Ixora asks, then catches me staring. She frowns.

Goddamnit, I'm leaving my sister.

"I just need to talk," I say. "Just let me talk, and please don't interrupt."

Her eyes narrow in suspicion. She doesn't agree, but she doesn't disagree.

"I had a sister—she was, is, your age. She left four years ago, and she got notes, and she looked like you, and I think she might be you, and if it's okay, can you please give this a chance?"

Ixora just sighs. She doesn't look convinced. She looks annoyed, almost. "Rose, I told you, I'm not who you think I am."

"It's Rosaleen."

"Oh. Sorry, I—"

"You're not good with names?" I guess. "You forget them after a few days? It's embarrassing, and you only remember if you write them down?"

She hesitates, staring at me with something almost afraid on her face.

"Please, just listen," I say again. "Listen, and try to remember, I promise I'm your sister, and you have a family and a home."

"This is my home."

"You have a mom," I press. "She's not dead. You have a baby brother. You have me?"

Ixora stays silent. She watches me, her eyes unreadable.

I don't know how much she's changed, but I'm desperate so I don't care. "You're afraid to leave this place, aren't you? Because it's all you've known? I—"

"No," she cuts in. "I'm letting you go on."

I blink, and an odd sort of panic seeps into me. I'm glad she's considering this, but she's different. She's not the person I knew. She's grown without me, and what if this new her doesn't like me?