OVERLOOKED ㅤkotlc

064

!! tw: panic attack! stay safe yall !!

He takes off his addler when we're alone.

I glance at Ruy, expecting something sad and broken, but he only looks wistful. Trees stretch into the cheerfully blue sky.

"Did you know all these people?" I ask tentatively.

He hums. "No, of course not, but I've heard stories."

"From Gisela and Fintan?"

"No, they don't like talking about it." Ruy thinks. "A few people here knew them, or knew people who knew them."

He pauses in his steps to look to a tree beside us.

It has a dark, sturdy trunk, and long trails of even darker leaves. They twirl in the wind, catching sunlight on their pink veins. "Her name was Grace," Ruy says. "People called her Tiger."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. It was just... normal," he says. "People say she loved flowers, and reading. She would speak and everyone would listen." A pause. "So I hear, anyway."

We walk on.

A part of me lingers on his words. She once was.

Ruy stops, and gestures at another tree. Its trunk is golden-brown and delicate, and magenta blossoms float from its branches. It's tall, like it's stretching to the sky, looking for something more.

"Eiji," he introduces. "He was a thinker, and he was a dancer."

And we walk on.

A person described in nine words. Someone with thoughts and emotions and a life could be reduced to a simple sentence, and maybe the listener would nod as if they now knew the dead.

The next picked pockets and collected.

The next lived a long life. She was a storyteller, and her words were always old and warm.

The next owned eight cats and named them after their eight favorite colors. They would've gotten another after the mission, so a cat statue was sculpted and named Green.

We walk, and we walk, and we walk.

Ruy talks. I listen. Parts of us mourn.

And after we've exhausted our minds, we sit tired under a corpse that covers the sky.

I summon my voice to ask, "This one?"

Ruy looks up at the silvery leaves. "He was an adventurer," he says simply.

I nod as if I now know the dead, even though I do not.

We sit in silence for a while longer.

He's the first to break it. He extends his pinky like a peace offering, and says, "Let's not die."

I look at it, and I hesitate to extend my own, which is enough for him to put his pinky down.

"Is everything okay?"

It was a small hesitation. For someone that doesn't know me, it shouldn't tell them anything at all. But Ruy does know me, I guess.

Yes, I will myself to say, like how I said yes to Melia and Rosaleen. But I hear myself say no.

His eyes turn concerned, and gentle. Ruy regards me with something more kind and alert. "What isn't okay?" he says. "I'll listen, and help the best I can."

I shift my gaze away. I focus on a leaf drifting from what looks like a silver sky. "I don't know if I should tell you," I say softly. "I don't think you can help."

My mind catches onto my heart and screams in protest. Don't tell him you're a traitor! Rosaleen will hate you. Everyone will hate you. Don't. Don't. Don't!

"You can tell me, and I'll listen," he urges. "It won't change anything."

A piece of hope flickers. Maybe it won't.

Maybe he cares about me more than the Neverseen.

Maybe I can bring him, Melia, and Alvar home, and Glimmer and Jaelynn and Ixora too. We'll all go home, and they'll be safe safe safe.

And the Black Swan will win, and they'll celebrate too.

"You're right, let's not die," I say, my words spilling from me before I can stop them. "Both of us. Let's live."

"Dex?" His worry burns.

Words rush out my lips. "Do you promise?" I curse them.

"Promise what?"

"That I'll be safe. If I tell you."

Something akin to suspicion flares in him. The first brick of the wall between us thuds to the ground. It's too late.

"I... yeah. I promise. Dex, what's going on?" Ruy's scared.

I'm scaring him.

I think I want to take everything back now. I think I want to laugh and say got you, you should've seen the look on your face.

I open my mouth to say just that. Nothing comes out.

He reaches out to place a hand on my arm. "Calm down. Breathe."

I can't. Thoughts stampede me, but I can't understand any. I can't.

"Breathe," Ruy repeats, then I realize I'm not breathing, and I wonder if that means I'll die, and if I die, what'll happen to Rosaleen and if I die, what will happen if I die

My chest hurts and my hands are shaking and and and and and

"Dex, deep breaths." He says it slowly, clearly. "In." He breathes. "Out." He breathes.

In. Out. In. Out.

We breathe, and I get deja vu.

My breaths are shaky, and he pays attention, and he says, "What're five things you see?"

I tell him, The grass. The... sky. Leaves. The trunk. You.

He asks for four things I can touch.

I touch the grass. A leaf on the ground. The tree trunk. My clothes.

He asks, "What are three things you hear?" His voice is steady and calm.

I say, "You. The wind. Birds."

He asks for two things I can smell. I reply with flowers and deodorant.

"One more," he says. "One thing you can taste."

I think. "Um... lushberry juice," I say. I'm small. "From earlier."

"Good job," Ruy says, then looks at me carefully again with a sad smile. "Feeling better?"

I breathe. My chest aches. "Yeah," I say, and I feel embarrassed and thankful and sad and I feel sorry.

A pause between us. His eyes are concerned. "Anything you wanna get off your chest?" he asks, slowly. "Only if you want to, okay?"

Maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe it's because he helped me. Maybe it's because of a million things that I can't name, except he'd give me his umbrella if it were raining.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, and before he can rush to say it's okay, I tell him that I'm a traitor

and I have to see him click his addler back on

and I have to hope he's not a promise-breaker.

˚ ༘ 🌷 ── author's note!

1. actually, schools still exciting

2. IS THIS OUT OF CHARACTER? IS THIS A BAD PLOT TURN?? I KINDA NEED HELP IDK HOW TO WRITE, CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME APPROVAL OR CRITICISM OR SMTH TY <3

3. did i write this wrong? or represent anything wrong?? i dont wanna write smth inaccurate if that makes sense??? just lmk if theres anything i need to change!

4. UHH BUT YEAH SEE U GUYS ON THURSDAY HOPE UR DOING WELL, STOP PROCRASTINATING NOW AND DO UR HW !