us against the world | mileven

11.

EL'S POV

i've been gagging for hours, my body is shaking and i can barely breathe as my chest heavies by the second.

so this is what overdosing is like.

i thought it was simple and easy and painless. but i do like the pain.

with my body so weak, i lay frail on the carpet floor of my bedroom as i hold my chest and continue to gag though nothing comes up.

i much rather i puke than gag.

i feel my body shake, my body growing hot and my chest burns more and more. my forehead sweats as i feel my eyes finally fall shut and i wonder how long have i been laying on the ground.

what even is the time?

crap, what if it's dinner time and someone walks in?

i didn't know an overdose took so long to kick in, shit.

with a quiet and barely audible sigh, i let my hand that was clutching my chest drop to the ground and so i just lay there till i finally give up.

my chest tightens and i think i feel my heart slowly come to a stop. i gag once... then twice and then it was some weak coughs that followed.

"el? it's time for dinner." i hear hopper knock on my door and i know that i'm late.

i try to respond but no sounds come out.

i don't think i'll make it.

"el?" he knocks again and again but i just lay there on my floor a second away from death.

but that's what i wanted, right?

that's what they wanted.

they told me. with the notes in my locker and the whispers in my classes.

they wanted this and i wanted it too.

so what's the point? i don't see a point.

my vision blurs, the room spins and my hearing rings loudly till it hurts. it got so loud that i didn't even notice my room door barge open and a pair of arms pulling me into their lap.

though my vision was blurry and my body was weak, i still caught a glimpse of hopper and his panicked face.

i let out a weak smile and my eyes fully shut just as the pain stops running through my veins.

೫

mike: i'm leaving tmr, meet me at the junkyard now so we can talk b4 i leave.

nah, i think i'm good. i really didn't want to go because he'll just scream at me.

but maybe if i didn't go, he'll tell everyone about me when he goes back.

fucking he'll..

me: fine but i'm out in 30

so i walk to my full-length mirror, check out my outfit and nod once i see that i look decent enough.

crying all night was so not it but the more i told myself to stop crying, the more i did. stupid body didn't listen.

rude.