Hoodies

the argument

TW WARNING: SH (self harm)

I sat down with Chad in the motel and messed up his hair, trying to make him smile yet he still appeared sad. I saw his eyes fill with tears, a stage before crying.
“We will find him,” I said.
“You don’t know that!” Chad snapped, it was the first time he ever shouted at me. As soon as he said it he shot his hand over his mouth.
“Yes I do,” I demanded.
“I’m tired of this! Of you always thinking things are okay when they’re not, get a grip on reality!” He shouted at me. I was furious by now.
“Fine, I guess if that’s all you see me as you dick,” I said sternly, full of rage. I stormed out the room. Harris was on the other side of the door. I sighed, pushing past him and going to the pool. Rae and Mya were there.
I slipped into the pool, it was almost freezing cold but it felt better than the boiling motel room.
“Someone’s in a mood,” I heard Rae say.
I stayed silent, I wasn’t going to dignify her with a response.
“Are you okay?” Mya started, “I mean I’m not entirely okay myself, it is quite a bit to handle.”
I smiled up at them and smiled slightly, then remembered the argument I just had. Of course I felt bad, I felt awful but I couldn’t go back. That would spiral him into confusion and plus Harris is there now to help him.
At about 2 AM the pool was absolutely freezing and we got out, it was then I noticed I wore my shirt and shorts into the pool, I sighed. Walking back into the room was awkward, I saw him sitting with Harris, tears streaking down his cheeks. I couldn’t help but look away and put my hand over my mouth and try not to cry.
We didn’t speak for the rest of the night, I even slept on the floor. It was so uncomfortable, but seeing him sad and crying hurt like hell, that was the torture for me.
It was 4:36 AM, I couldn’t sleep so I went into the bathroom to wash my face. Chad was staring into the mirror, a blade in his hand and blood falling from his shoulder.
He was shaking, staring at me. He started crying and so did I. I hugged him immediately.
“I’m so so sorry,” I whispered, “I didn’t mean a word of it I swear,” he didn’t say anything, he just broke down in my arms. I don’t know how long we were in there for, but long enough for when we came out the sun was rising.
“We should go on a walk,” I suggested.
“Okay, but I don’t have anything to wear, all my old clothes are...” chad  stopped for a moment, “covered in blood,”
I went to my suitcase and handed him one of my hoodies.
“There we go,” I said.
The sky was a gorgeous shade of blue and the clouds as light as feathers. We sat down at a park but we didn’t talk at first.
“I.. how long have you been doing it?” I questioned, “of course you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,”
“Ever since the party,” Chad muttered. I nodded.
“I’m sorry Chad, really, I am,” I explained. He look up at me.
“It wasn’t the argument,,” he explained, “I’m just scared we won’t find him..”
“Me too yet I pretend like everything’s alright, you did have a point. Thank you for making me realise that,” I thanked him. Chad stoop up and ran to me, sinking his face into my chest, “I love you so much,” he cried. I felt tears form in my eyes.
“I love you too idiot,” I smiled, hugging him back.

644 words