Darker Days

* 21 *

"So what did you want to talk about?" He stares at me and squints his eyes.

"Nothing. it's not important. I forgot." I look at him a little frustrated at the obvious lie and the anger in his voice.

"Nothing is going on with me and Merle. That hug you witnessed was just a moment between friends, nothing more. And this run, Merle saved my ass tonight, that's it. I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Yeah," he snorts, "whatever." Before I could reply he jumps up off the bed. "I thought we had something between us and the next thing I know you go on a run with Merle and get all cozy in the backseat. I didn't realize you were that kind of girl? I hope you and Merle are very happy together, now leave. It's late and I need to get my children to bed."

I walk over to him, "What are you insinuating? What do you mean I am that kind of girl? Are you deaf? Did you not just hear me say he saved my ass. I was shaken up and he was just trying to calm my nerves after I almost died!" He shrugs my hand off his shoulder. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Just go Rachel," He turns lying down beside Judith with his back to me, "before you wake Carl up." He doesn't say another word leaving me even more confused than I was before I left on this run.

~~~~~~

I make sure to eat my breakfast late. I stay inside most of the day, helping Carol and Beth. All in an effort to not have to see Rick Grimes. I wake up super late every morning keeping that momentum. I can't stand the thought of seeing him. I can't stand thinking about him but my mind keeps doing that no matter how hard I try to fight it. I rub my eyes and roll over grabbing the journal I keep under my mattress. I have been using it to mostly keep track of days. It is day 14 of not speaking to Rick. Fourteen days of completely avoiding him. I thought three was bad but on the other hand, I seem to be getting used to not talking or seeing Rick Grimes. I make mark number 14 and close the journal with a heavy sigh. I slide it back under my mattress but keep my hand on it for a minute. I pull it back out, walk over to the small table on the other side of the room and sit down. I grab my pen and begin writing, about Rick. I pause at half a page and read over it realizing that it is about Rick and I growl at myself. I slam the journal shut and rush back over shoving it under my mattress again. No time for breakfast thanks to me wasting my time thinking about Rick Grimes. I get dressed quickly and head downstairs. Carol is outside helping Daryl with something so she doesn't need me today. I find Beth pacing the cell block and bouncing Judith in her arms, trying to soothe a very upset little girl. "I've tried everything," Beth looks over at me eyes tired and ready to break down it seems, "she won't calm down." I smile and hold out my arms.

"Let me give it a try, and give you a break." Judith immediately quiets and rests her head on my shoulder and inserts her thumb in her mouth. Beth stares in disbelief before letting that slow grin build on her face. "All the crying just wore her out. Don't make it out to be something it's not." I know where Beth's mind is going without her saying a word. She and Carol both have been on a kick the last few days. Determined that Rick and I are supposed to be together and how easily Judith takes to me is proof of it.

Every day the next week Beth brings Judith straight up to me in my cell with her breakfast. We have started giving her cereal with her formula and she is even trying a little bit of some real, solid food. Beth had sent Rick up to drop her off the first two days but it was too awkward. Rick tried to talk once but I took Judith from him and ran out the door without a word. I made sure Beth knew that I didn't mind taking Judith during the day so she could do whatever but she better not ever send Rick up to drop her off again. After a short argument against that Beth finally caved. I have actually enjoyed this week spending time with Judith. My mind is not distracted by trivial things...like Rick.