Darker Days

* 21 *

©JRF2015-R2022

Rick is waiting at the gate when we pull up. He unlocks and opens it allowing us to drive inside. He is staring into the backseat as we pull to a stop. He seems to have a concerned look on his face but he is still wearing that same scowl he has had for the last few days. After locking the gate he walks up to help unload the supplies. He looks back and forth at me and Merle. "So how'd it go?" He finally asks looking at me with unease.

"Good," I said not looking back at him, "got Judy's formula."

I walk into the cell block to my room and I stop in front of the mirror dropping my bag. I was a mess, no wonder Rick was looking at me so concerned. He said he wanted to talk I bet he has a different conversation in mind now after seeing me like this. I need to find him again to start that conversation -- after I clean up. Part of me wants to just go but another part, the part that seems to keep getting burned by Rick Grimes, wants to take my time because I don't care what he has to say anymore. I don't care if he is worried about me. I don't care if I put his mind at ease. As before,  that's just what I keep telling myself, my heart has other things in mind. I begin cleaning up as I go over in my head what I am going to say to Rick. And a hundred different scenarios of the conversation that is coming whether I want it to or not.

I am done in what feels like record time. Despite the fact I keep saying I don't care about Rick and what he thinks of me anymore, I still rushed to get myself fixed up to go see him. He is not in the cellblock as I walk through it. He didn't follow me inside apparently. I slide that main door open and shield my eyes from the setting sun that is still so bright sun as I walk into the yard. Rick is talking to Merle and he looks angry. It would appear to be an argument but neither of them is talking. I walk up behind Rick, "Hey, you two. What's going on?" Rick turns around quickly and glares at me.

"Just telling Merle how I noticed you two got real cozy on this trip." I look at him confused. I wasn't sure what to say. "You got nothin' to say? Figures. Don't know why I thought I could trust the two of you, I knew you were playing me." He storms off, bumping into me as he passed.

"What the hell was that about?"

Merle shakes his head, "He's got some issues. The prick refuses to listen to any kind of reason." I shake my head in a little bit of shock at those words coming from the mouth of Merle Dixon. My head rolls around on my shoulders as I turn to watch Rick walk inside. Merle moves closer, hand on my shoulder. "You okay? That shoulder check seemed a little rough." I look back at Merle and nod before walking away, back inside after the asshole that keeps flipping on me. I am angry now. Why do I even still care? Why can't I just listen to what my brain keeps telling me and stop caring? Why do I still keep trying?

He is practically running and in a second is already out of my sight. Once inside, I walk straight to his door. He is already cradling Judith in his arms as Carl stands there looking on. "Oh, I forgot my special surprise," I say causing the two Grimes' men to look in my direction, "I'll be right back." Rick rolls his eyes and focuses back on Judith. Carl climbs in the bed and rolls over. My mind is racing as I run up the stairs to get my bag. What is his problem? One minute he acts like he can't be away from me for a second and the next he can't stand to look at me.

I return to find Carl snoring away already, I forgot how late it was getting. Judy is wriggling around next to Rick ready to play despite how late it is getting. "I got something extra, something special for Judy." Rick just grunts, not looking up at me. I sigh, pulling the little pink bunny from behind my back. "She needs something soft and cuddly, something not so dark in this dark world she has to grow up in," I say smiling. Rick looks up, curling one corner of his mouth up, and takes it from me. He hands it to Judith who laughs at the bunny tickling her little nose. "Thanks," Rick says flatly.