Tko's Dik Dot Friend

V. Buried Memories

Amanda was out the door by the time I woke up. I could not help but feel she had no intention of speaking to me ever again. My heart sank with guilt as I dragged myself around the apartment, trying to pack up the rest of my stuff. It suddenly became the worst day to pack my belongings.

Six hours later, I was on my way to the storage unit. I needed a place to store the non-essentials until I made it back during a holiday break but first, I needed to make one last stop to my second job and my favorite job at the pet shop. I needed to say my goodbyes to the many pets I had come to love and, of course, my boss and co-workers.

My boss was a Chinese immigrant in her early sixties named Mrs. Wong. She and her husband migrated from Guangzhou, China, with their two little boys in the 1980s, as she loved to tells us from time to time. They worked very hard to save up enough money to buy this shop. A reminder of the life they lived back in their homeland. We hardly ever saw Mr. Wong except during payroll.

"TKO!" She called out to me in her Chinese American Accent. "Hi, Mrs. Wong. I've come to say my goodbyes." I said as I walked towards her and into her warm embrace.

"TKO. We going to miss you here." She said as she held me for a moment as my mother would. "I'm going to miss you guys too," I responded as she released me.

"What time do you leave?" She asked with a bit of sadness in her eyes. "As soon as I'm done with the storage," I said as I walked over to hug my two colleagues, Sam and Emily. My attention soon turned to the dogs, cats, birds, and aquarium surrounding me. One of our main jobs, according to Mrs. Wong, was to keep Mr. Wong from feeding the fish and birds to the cats. He didn't quite seem to understand that they needed to co-exist in this little shop. It felt as though the little animals knew I was about to depart. The dogs barked while the cats meowed. The parrots and cockatoos chirped and whistled. My heartfelt light again in their presence and all the memories I had been fighting to forget all morning were slowly slipping away. I was in my own version of heaven at that moment, and it felt great.

I spent the next three hours unloading my belongings into the storage unit. By the third hour, my entire body ached like an eighty-year-old. Every pull or bend created a throbbing sensation, unlike anything I had ever experienced.

"Note to self; get friends to help next time," I said to myself aloud as I unloaded the second of the two boxes left in my trunk.

"Hi Tko," called out a voice from behind. My eyes brightened, and I smiled at the same time. I turned around to see my roommate, Amanda standing in front of me, holding the last brown box from my trunk.

"Hey!" I responded with a smile.

"Where would you like this?" She asked with a grin.

"Umm, right over here." I pointed to the last remaining spot to the right of me. She placed the box gently on top of another box. Stood back to take a look at the entire storage unit and took a deep breath.

"Great job fitting all your stuff in this tiny space." I chuckled as we both walked out of the unit. "Thanks," I finally said. She turned around to face me once again.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I had to pull a double shift today. It sucked. People screaming at you and shit." I chuckled again. I was all too familiar with the horror stories of her restaurant job. Also her second but least favorite. "I understand."

"I'm sorry I didn't text you back last night." I gave her a blank stare.

"So what happened? He told me he just whispered some shit in your ear about your boobs" She chuckled, but the chuckle soon turned to anger, and a cloudy forecast began setting in her eyes as she tried to fight the emotions that threatened to creep in uninvited.

"That's what he said?" She stopped to take a deep breath. Shaking her head right to the left before taking another deep breath. She chuckled again and wrinkled up her lips.

"I just didn't want to talk about it, Tko." She pleaded, looking away into the distance and pretending to kick the dust off her shoes, something I attributed to being a nervous twitch.

"I blamed him. I blamed myself. I also blamed you... a little. Just a little TKO." She said, looking at me, and I nodded, acknowledging her feelings.

"I understand, Amanda. Believe me, I do." I said as I tried to stop my eyes from getting cloudy, but it was inevitable.

"See, TKO, it's just that it... it brought back too many memories. Memories that... I thought I had locked up and buried... memories of molestation and abuse from my uncle. It all came crashing in on me again. That's why I couldn't talk to you last night. I hope you can understand." 

Without any more words, I grabbed her and held her tightly as she bawled in my arms. Soon we were both bawling our eyes out for what felt like a whole minute. I slowly loosened my grip as the sobbing grew less intense, and all we had left were deep-drawn breaths and pockets of silence. I finally released my grip as we stood there and stared at each other with grins and awkward silence. It was the most uncomfortable I ever felt with her.

"I'm still not ready to talk about it, TKO." She took another breath.

"And that's okay, Amanda. Maybe when I come back to pick these things up." I said with a chuckle.

"Yes! Yes... When are you coming back?" She asked as she wiped the last of tears with her hand. I smiled and took a sigh of relief as the conversation changed the mood – slightly. 

"When this semester is over. Before Christmas." She nodded as she fought again to hold back tears.

"I left my bed in the apartment... for your new roommate." She laughed out loud.

"Thanks, TKO. I don't know how I'm going to cope by myself while I find a new one. I'm going to miss you...so much." 

She said as she gave up fighting and let the tears flow shamelessly. We embraced each other for the second time. We sobbed for a shorter period this time before releasing each other.

"Phone call away," I said, imitating a phone call with my hand. We chuckled.

"Seriously, call me. Please call me whenever you need to talk. I don't ever want you to feel lonely because I'm always a phone call away."

She nodded. "I will. Thank you. ..I think I may have a real connection with Peter from last night. We're meeting up next week." She grinned.

"That's great, Amanda! See. Things are working out already." I said, shoving her gently on her arm. She chuckled like a child.

"I guess. We'll see." She shrugged.

"I'm gonna miss you too." She grinned widely, and I smiled back.

My heart was light as a feather, and theinvisible wall created by events of the previous evening was torn down by thelove I didn't know we had for one another. Leaving my friend was going to bepainful, but I needed to move on and fulfill the promise I made to myself andmy parents. I needed to leave Portland, Oregon, and the memory of the last fewdays behind.