Jonah Taylor
September 20th
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're currently on the way to Maryland to clean out her childhood home and I'm fucking terrified of losing her. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. I don't ever want her to lose the person she is because of pain. That's the worse way to ever lose yourself.
That's how I lost myself, that kind of shit turns you bitter. She's laying beside me with her arm across my chest, asleep and has been ever since we got on the jet because she said she's afraid of private jets.
But not airplanes
She has no stability right now and she needs it before she falls apart completely. She only cried once within that night and she hasn't shown a grief filled feeling since. I'm waiting for her to show that she feels something or just anything and I do understand everybody grieves different but she's having little to no emotions at all.
She planned the whole funeral in my lap with a straight face.
The five stages of grief are hell and I feel like she could be going through denial but I'm not completely sure. Because she just brushes everything off so nonchalantly and that's one of the things I dislike about her. She'll have the world on her shoulders but still would refuse to let anyone know.
I just wish she'd be more transparent, with me at least.......
"Mr. Taylor we will be landing in 10 minutes" My pilot Vincent informs me
I need to wake her up, it takes her a while to process someone waking her up. Kind of like that moment when you first wake up and stare into the air but I'm gonna be grateful she's not a mean morning person. I put my hands on her waist and kiss her face repeatedly knowing she'll open her eyes. When they flutter open, I just observe her and never move my stare away.
"Hiiii" She whispers smiling blinking lazily, wrapping her arms around my neck
"Hi" I whisper back, trying to focus my eyes because she's so close
"Why are looking at me like that?" She yawns while she stretches moving back
Her small shirt lifts and I see her tattoo on her lower back. And yes she does have on a crop- top in 67 degree weather.
One day she's gonna catch a cold
"Because you're beautiful." I hold eye contact until she looks away and blushes
"You always say that"
"It's not like this will be the last time." I tell her honestly
She hugs me again "Thank you."
Twice today
"For what?" I ask confused wrapping my arms back around her, putting my face in her neck
I lift my head from the hug, still keeping my arms wrapped tightly around her wanting to see her face "For calling me pretty and not leaving and keeping our promise."
"I'd do anything for you, A'nori " I tell her honestly
I would do anything for her, scariest shit ever. All my rationality gone.... completely out the window.
