Liar, Liar

28: A New Mantra

"Yes, Ma'am," I nodded eagerly.

"Good. We will begin. Spider!" She called.

Spiders were easy, especially with the starting insect being a caterpillar.

"Good. Moth."

Within seconds, I had turned it into a moth. This, however, was a little harder. The moth had a different complex than the first two insects, and the flying aspect was difficult to get just right.

The last part was always the hardest. I struggled to perfect it.

"Squirrel!" She called.

Muttering the incantation and concentrating with all my might, I perfected the spell, and a chestnut squirrel stood chittering in front of us. I gazed at it proudly, and McGonagall looked (what I assume was) impressed.

A slow clap came from the doorway, and I swiveled around to see Dumbledore walking in, his eyes aging yet radiant under his crescent moon glasses.

"Well done, well done!" He praised. "You are clearly adjusting well to your new chosen profession. A good choice."

"Thank you, Sir," I glowed.

Dumbledore and I had met nearly every other week in the past month. Discussing opportunities after Hogwarts, discussing small pockets of my life that I shared sometimes. I started getting closer and closer with him, and he began to feel more like a father to me.

"You'll do well with this knowledge after school, I'm sure," he smiled.

"She's bright, she is. Zelle is one of the fastest learners I've ever taught," McGonagall said. "She's on the right track, ahead of it even."

Dumbledore and I had been working hard on our own times for a method of either removing the Dark Mark off of my arm of getting me pardoned at the Ministry due to the Involuntary Initiation Clause.

The Clause was created years ago to protect students who got into dark or unacceptable groups or institutions.

"If I could borrow Zelle for a moment, I mean well," Dumbledore asked.

"She's all yours. She's ahead of any of her peers, and has preformed the triple transfiguration spell with ease," McGonagall said once more.

Dumbledore and I unanimously shook our heads in amusement as I gathered my things.

McGonagall sure liked to praise her own teaching skills in the least subtle ways.

Dumbledore and I walked in a fairly comfortable silence, me huddled into my thick overcoat and him in his usual robes as we made our way across the grounds and to the Black Lake, which was iced over.

I started to wonder what Dumbledore was going to ask of me, yet he gave no hint.

He swept some snow off of a bench and sat, gesturing for me to join him, which I hesitantly did.

I watched as something rippled under the icy lake.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and turned to me, suddenly unable to meet my eyes. "There is something we must speak of, my dear Zelle."

"Yes, Sir?" I asked bravely. "I can handle it."

"I know you can, dear. You've grown stronger and stronger these past months. Which is why I have been putting this conversation off, I fear."

He took a breath and adjusted his coat around him, pulling the gloves he never took off higher up on his wrists.

"There will be a war here, Zelle. People will die. Students, teachers." He heaved another breath. "I will die with them, I fear."

"Don't say that, Sir," I shook my head, puzzled. "You're the strongest wizard in the world. You've defeated Voldemort and the death Eaters countless times."

"No, no. My death will not be brought by the enemy. It has been planned, scheduled. I will die during the war."

"How will we win?" I asked, ignoring his convincing. Dumbledore could never die by the hands of the Darkness.

"It has been arranged, dear girl. Do no argue it. It is fate," Dumbledore smiled. "After my passing, Potter will either defeat Voldemort, or Voldemort defeat Potter. It is as certain as a coin flip."

I shook my head again, my mouth drying.

"I stress that you do not worry. It has been arranged. Remember- there is always a bigger plan," he said, words that he had used to comfort me a few long weeks ago, yet now he used encouragingly.

"Yes, Sir."

"However, my concern is your safety. You will be protected here-"

"I will protect myself-"

"He will have no choice but to protect you, Zelle. He made the unbreakable vow the day of your initiation."

The spell that had ripped through Mordsmorde and had been wiped from Snape's memory. The unbreakable vow. It had started to make sense, why he fled from Voldemort with me and why he wouldn't let me stray too far.

He had made an unbreakable vow to protect me to my mother.

It had taken weeks. Weeks to make peace with the truth. But finally, I had. Love was an illusion, really- some love to keep themselves from emotional death- Snape had lied to keep himself alive- by breaking the unbreakable vow and putting me in danger of death, he himself would die as well.

He had kept me close to protect himself, yet I had made peace with it.

I hadn't seen him in a month and a half. Not at meal times, not in the halls. I had transferred to Transfiguration as a specialty shortly after that week.

He had not sought me out once.

"I know, Sir. But I've made peace with it- technically, nothing will happen to him if he breaks the vow now. I've forgiven him from it."

Dumbledore smiled a knowing smile. "Sometimes, the world works in different ways, Zelle. Perhaps the unbreakable vow didn't dictate his choices. You must heal and numbing yourself is not the path."

Dumbledore never knew what really happened- of course. At least, I presumed so. I told him that the Death Eaters gave me trauma (which is true) and that seeing Snape triggered it because he was there for the torture scene when I thought we had been friends, when I thought I could trust him.

Dumbledore had had nothing to say about that but that he'd spoken with Snape and that I could transfer my specialty as soon as I felt comfortable.

However, with a lot of help from Mrs. Trelawney, who I started visiting on the regular again and Dumbledore, I felt reborn.

I was a different woman now. I felt stronger and I could do what was right. If not for my certainty that this mantra was true, then I would really have nothing left.