Playing Matchmaker

chapter twenty seven

condoms, fanny packs and a horror movie.

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Video: that really scary creepy song that I really happen to love. You've got to listen to it.

This was written on my phone so sorry if there are obvious and ugly errors :(
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Clark is an idiot.

He's one of my closest friends and all, but boy is he a complete nugget. I'd like to say that I've never met somebody with the same kind of idiotic behaviour as him, but I later found out that Nate is just as bad - if not worse.

Nate and Emily had joined us after Clark called them up and told them about his little plan. It was like our whole group was going on a pranking raid to my poor brother. I guess I started it, but it's not like we are going to permanently scar him.

Well, at least that's not the plan.

"Have you ever heard of condom cannons?" Clark asks from the backseat of Tyler's car. He's sitting right in the middle with a fanny pack (at least that's what he called them) full of condõms. I always knew he was insane, but he looks like a complete idiot. He may as well make a necklace out of them.

I shake my head, Tyler scoffs loudly. "Seriously Clark? You do realise that he doesn't even have a car."

Clark's face drops. "F*ck."

"What is it?" I turn around to Clark. He said he always sits in the middle of the backseat so he feels like he's in the front seat. Truth is, he's just an overgrown child with a condõm fetish.

"It's when you stick a condõm on the muffler of someone's car," he plucks a condõm out of his fanny pack, "and when they start their car it makes a huge bang. It sounds like the car shïts itself, or blows a motor."

Oh. Well that's more of a nasty prank than a funny one anyway. Clark starts blowing up the condõm, tying the end of it up and drawing a face on it that he magically pulled out of his lady pack.

The drive back to my house was short and full of Clark shoving his balloon in my face. I was this close to popping it then shoving it up his nostrils.

Nate and Emily were waiting outside my house, sitting in the love swing kissing like crazy. I gagged, my best friends are so gross.

"I could be doing that to you," Tyler sighs in exasperation, "but you're anti romance."

"That isn't romance," I crinkle my nose, "that's põrn."

Tyler snorts out a laugh, "Touché."

I was just about to break up Emily and Nate's PDA show, but the front door slammed open with a furious looking Austin standing behind it. "What are you guys doing here?" He cocks his head to the side. He notices Emily and Nate together and grimaces, pulling Nate's hair to get him away from his girlfriend. "Jesus, and I thought Nova was horny."

I gasp. Austin has no filter. None. Nada. Zilch. "I'm not horny!" I burst out, "Says the one trying to hide the Playboy magazines under his bed."

"Oooh, burn," Nate hollers, pushing a stunned Austin.

"They were under my bed so you wouldn't find them," he squeaks. "Stop going through my room. You-you stalker!"

I snort out a laugh. Austin is so naive. "I like to know what my little brother has been up to," I shrug innocently. Tyler cracks up beside me, leaning against me and holding his stomach to stop the snorts.

'The snorts'. It sounds like some kind of genital disease. Like the claps.

Tyler sobers up from laughing, "You do realise our cover is blown. He knows we are here so he's going to think there's something fishy going on."