split || dreamwastaken x reader

17 | CONVERSATIONS

"I'm just scared now. Like life would be different if people knew your face. There wouldn't be that fear anymore. I just don't feel like you should. Maybe I'm being selfish because I like having you to myself. I don't know." I tap my fingertips against his.

"It's the same issue I have with sharing you." Clay grabs my hand which stops my taps. I sigh, looking up at him finally. "We will get through this. It will take time but we can work through it. People will have to see my face someday. And you know that as soon as George can come here it will probably happen." I nod my head.

"Don't worry babe." Clay squeezes my hand. "Secrets will come out eventually but we have each other, always. Only you get the luxury of getting kisses. Cuddles..." The pause that follows holds heavy in the air. I don't know what to expect next, but when the word comes I know I should expect it. "Sex."

I drop my head and shake it. "Are you sure I won't have to share those things with anyone else?" I pout my lip out.

"I promise." Clay pulls me into his chest, but we still have so much more to talk about.

"I have to ask you something." I say low, dreading what's to come. Clay assures me with just one look that whatever I had to say will be okay. "What happened?"

Clay's face contorts. Confusion floods his expression. His eyes scrunch up in just the slightest, little lines forming at the corners of his eyes. His eye brows knit together as he tries to come up with some way to answer. I can see the gears turning in his head by the look in his eyes.

"Last night, what happened?" I ask again. I'm too impatient to wait for him to conjure up some answer.

"In the nightmare?" Clay swallows hard. I nod my head in response. "Do I have to talk about it?"

"I would like to know what had you sleep panic talking. But if you don't want to. I'm not going to have you open up about it. I just feel like this whole 'wedding' thing is a distraction from your thoughts. You don't want to deal with whatever is going on up here." I point to my own head.

"Babe, my life is in shamble right now. I have the rock of you. I have the rock of my family. My friends. But that doesn't stop the other shit whirling through my mind. I can't protect you when you're not around me. I let you go get a job," Clay pauses, "I don't mean that in a controlling way, but like, I let my guard down and held your hand through your wishes and then you get hurt. I feel like it's my fault that I couldn't protect you."

"It isn't your job to protect me babe."

"I have done it since we were kids. I can't help it. You have been that one person my entire life that I can't see broken. It's the way it will always be."

"You have always been too good to me. For whatever reason." Clay shrugs.

"Because it's always been you." Clay kisses me once before letting out a deep heavy breath. "The nightmare was about you."

"Me?" I question him moving closer like I need his touch in order to hear.

"With the guy at your work, my fans disliking you for a while there, you ran. Something you've never done. I lost you because of my career. On top of that, all my secrets were revealed because of that fucker from your work. Everything I had crumbled." I could tell in the tone of Clay's voice he was holding back tears. If we were live or on a call with his friends there is no doubt he would have muted himself.

"Losing my job, so what. I can find another somehow. But losing you, there isn't another you out there. Like do you understand what losing you would do to me?" How do I even answer that?

"You have your other friends. You don't need me, forever." I say through a soft whimper.

"Shut up." Clay raises his voice a little. It makes me jump but he instantly soothes me with his touch. "You go, my heart will have an empty spot forever. Your trauma is my secrets being let out. My trauma is seeing you get hurt, losing you, anything to do with you."

"That's unhealthy Clay." I say even though I know the words are going to hurt him.

"I don't care what's unhealthy. I really don't. We all have unhealthy habits and thoughts. Fuck it. If one thing in my life is going to be unhealthy let it be this. Let me have something." Clay voice holds an uncaring tone. He doesn't care. He's too wrapped up and in love to care. He always has been. I was just too stupid to realize it.

"I'll let you have whatever you want." I looked up at his face. I smile because what else I am I supposed to do? This guy is willing to drown in order to save little stupid old me. A person not really worth saving. I have nothing to give but myself.

"Can we go get married in Minecraft now my love?" A stupid smile perks to his lips and I let a laugh fall through mine.

"You and this god damn wedding." I roll my eyes playfully and grab his hand. "Let's do it."

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A/N: it's short. i know. i'm sorry. i'm on my way to Orlando now posting this from my layover. obviously wearing my George 4mil hoodie. 😘 i hope this will suffice.

if you enjoyed make sure you leave a vote and a comment. <3

much love, Ashley