Incarnadine | Prequel to "Viridescence"

21

Hongjoong silently messes around with the paper again, but on the inside he feels hurt and lonely. Why won't anyone ever play with him? His parents don't even let him leave the house and interact with the other kids outside of school, but he doesn't know why.

His parents on the other hand, somehow are too ashamed to let him leave. They've said ridiculous things with each other, not doing a very good job at hiding this from their son.

 "Other parents will criticize us when they see what kind of child Hongjoong is."

"It will be humiliating when people see how backwards he is even though he's already four."

"He will hurt someone and we'll get into trouble. Didn't you see the way he treated the neighbour's pet dog? He nearly killed it and only laughed about it."

"His teachers always complain about him and how he never tries to get along with any of the kids and fights them easily, he can't be trusted near people."

The father sighs and also leaves the room, following his wife out. "You sure you want a second child?" he whispers to his wife. "I think we'll have a better chance with another. We can pretend Hongjoong never existed and start fresh. We know how to take care of a kid and are more mature now, I think we should raise a child to be better than the first," she responds.

The two have been discussing this for a while now, but both have doubts now and again. "I agree with you, let's send Hongjoong away to boarding school as soon as he finished primary school," the father suggests.

The mother bites her lip and glances in the direction of the living room, where her son sits. "It's for the best. I hope he learns to become like an ordinary kid there."

6th June
1999

Hongjoong stares intently at his six month old baby sister sitting on her chair. She simply stares back at him with her large eyes. Without even blinking, Hongjoong covers his face with his hands. His sister watches curiously, her hands already reaching out to find her brother's face again.

"Peek-a-boo!" he shouts while uncovering his eyes quickly. As usual, the sister laughs uncontrollably. Hongjoong can't stop himself from laughing with her, completely obsessed with his endearing sibling.

Ever since Kim Jangmi was born six months ago, Hongjoong has been over the moon. Not only does he have someone else to give his love to, but he's not alone anymore. He doesn't long to go outside with the other kids anymore and is mostly occupied with his sister.

On top of that, she actually returns this love to him. Hongjoong never knew how it felt before, but now it's like a whole new world has opened to him. He spends most of his free time playing with his sister and even takes care of her sometimes, even though he's too young to do most things.

It's clear Jangmi has taken a liking to her brother. She smiles the most when she's with him. She hasn't cried in his presence before, it nearly seems like she likes him more than her own parents. 

Their parents shower Jangmi with more than plenty of love, but her big eyes are always on her brother. The feeling of constantly being loved and the centre of attention of someone pushed Hongjoong to grow very close to her.

He doesn't realise yet that he'll soon notice the difference in the way his parents treat him compared to his sister.

The parents always watch them, especially when Hongjoong is near her. They're scared beyond belief that he will hurt her even though it doesn't seem like he would. It does bother them that their daughter loves their son more than them. Their abnormal son.

"Having Jangmi so soon wasn't a good idea, we can't even send Hongjoong away yet," the dad whispers. The mother's conflicting feelings have faded a little in these past five years and she nods. "I feel terrified whenever he goes near her."

While the parents are distracted in their conversation, Hongjoong decides that he wants to hold her for the first time. He reaches out and picks her out of her chair with some difficulty, this being his first time holding a baby. He manages to old Jangmi in a way that she won't get hurt, trying his best to imitate the way his parents hold her. The entire time, the little girl stays silent and wraps her arms around her brother happily.

Hongjoong feels a strong burst of joy while holding her, and can't help but start grinning widely.

But this moment is cut short when a loud gasp sounds throughout the room.

Their mother comes speeding to them and quickly pulls Jangmi out of Hongjoong's arms and holds her tight, ignoring Jangmi's loud cries. His father's face is glowing with rage and he stomps to the confused boy. A hard slap to the face is not something the little boy was expecting and he stares back at his father with tears flowing down his burning cheek.

"I told you, you can never lay a finger on her! What were you planning to do behind our backs? What did my innocent daughter do to deserve a brother like you?" he screams straight at his son's face.

The sound of Jangmi wailing becomes background noise to Hongjoong and somehow this slap hurt way more than any of the others. And he guesses it's probably because of the words he's just been told.

What has he ever done to his sister? Nothing at all, he would never hurt someone he adores so much. Being accused of wanting to hurt her hurts, but what he said after hurts more. 

"What did my innocent daughter do to deserve a brother like you?"

He has always wanted to be a good brother to her, so hearing that he's treating her wrong gives the boy agony.

He dashes out of the room in tears, heading straight to his own bedroom.

Meanwhile, both parents tend to Jangmi. "Don't cry, it's okay now. He's gone now, everything will get better," they coo to her.

Hongjoong cries by himself in his room, his mind running with thoughts. What can he do to prove himself worthy to his parents? Why can't he be cherished the same way as his sister? Why is he not allowed to love her?

When will they stop looking down on me so much?