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Syameise's Situation: Let Me Die 🖤

I'm feeling depressed for no reason... I guess this is a vent... oneshot? It'll be mostly Syameise's POV and this little page here is the whole fnf crew, avoid Syameise because she's a furry and a fangirl.

Tw: Depression, suicide, very dark drawings, cuts

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Syameise's POV

There's something going on with the crew... They've all been ignoring me. Even Whitty. It's bad enough that I have my own problems to deal with but everyone avoiding me makes it worse. I opened the door to the apartment that Whitty and I share and walked in.

"I'm back, Whitty..!"

No response..? That's kind of weird... He would at least say 'hey' or something. I arrived at the living room to see Whitty on his phone.

"Whitty? Why didn't you answer-"

"Shut up."

"Okay then... I'm off to my room."

I sped off, a bit hurt from those two words... 'shut up...' I entered my room and flopped on my bed and looked onto my phone. Maybe I should call someone... Cherri. Why not? She's great! Maybe she knows what's going on.

She blocked me..?

I checked my other contacts. Keith, Carol... most of them blocked my number. Is this some stupid prank? Is this Cherri's revenge after the sleepover prank? If so, it's not funny... I called Pico. One of the only people who hasn't blocked me...

He picked up!

"Pico here, make it quick."

"Oh, Heyo Pico!"

"Oh... it's you."

What does he mean 'it's you' and why did he sound a bit rude there..?

"Um... So the whole crew has been ignoring me. Did I do something wrong to make you all mad? I-If I did, I can make it up!"

"..."

He hung up...

What is going on..?

A few days later of the crew ignoring me has really taken a toll on me. What's wrong with them? At this point, all of them have blocked me and Whitty won't even talk to me. Now, I kept a knife in my drawers and cut when nobody was around. Not like anybody was. The pain distracts me from the possible fact that they don't like me.

I grabbed my headphones and sketchbook, playing a song called Let Me Die by Lil Sad Lil Happy on loop. I hummed along to it while I finished up a drawing I was making yesterday. Sooner or later, I started singing quietly to it.

I'm feelin' lost and I don't know where else to go now...
I don't really have a place to call my home now...
Everybody hatin' and I feel so cold now...
Why do everybody make me feel alone like...

I'm feelin' lost and I don't know where else to go now...
I don't really have a place to call my home now...
Everybody hatin' and I feel so cold now...
Why do everybody make me feel alone like...

I've got so much s*** to say.
Baby, take me from this place.
I just really cannot stay.
Tears are falling down my face.
I feel colder everyday.
Know they want me out their way.
I'll be gone I'll be okay.
I just need some f***ing space.
I walk by, I feel them hate.
Wanna die 'cause I relate.
Wanna cry, I feel insane.
I get high but, I can't escape.
Would they love me if I change?
Am I lost am I too late?
Soon, I'm dead, I cannot wait.
Please don't love me, it's a waste.

I'm feelin' lost and I don't know where else to go now...
I don't really have a place to call my home now...
Everybody hatin' and I feel so cold now...
Why do everybody make me feel alone like...

I'm feelin' lost and I don't know where else to go now...
I don't really have a place to call my home now...
Everybody hatin' and I feel so cold now...
Why do everybody make me feel alone like...

Wanna die so f***ing bad.
You're the best I've ever had.
Wanna die when I look back.
Cause you always made me sad.
Can't get over s*** I'm done.
I just make another song.
Nothing helps I'm f***ing numb.
I'll be gone, b****, pass the blunt.
I've been hurting for so long.
Baby, kill me in your thoughts.
I've been dying all along.
Let me go where I belong.
Get me drunk b****, get me high.
Give me pills and let me vibe.

When it's time just let me die.
I'm so tired of this life...

I copied and pasted this. I just edited it a little. Probably what makes this page seem so long.

By the time the song was done, I had drawn myself... hanging. I blinked a couple of times at this and realized what I drew. Why am I drawing this now? Aside from that, it looks pretty good. I tore it off and realized there was no spot on my walls for it. I looked around, took a pin and stuck it on the outside of my room's door.

"Dark but it looks good..."

I closed the door behind me and went back to sketching and drawing. More and more suicidal drawings were being produced out of my paws and this slim, black, plastic pencil. I turned off the music and started playing something happier but only drawings of a noose, myself hanging, bloody knifes and other were only produced. That's when I realized...

I'm depressed.

The cuts, the drawings, everything. Why did I do this? Is it because I'm lonely..? Tears formed in my eyes as everything had pieced together and now made so much more sense.

I should end it all.

Nobody would care if I'm gone.

My friends don't care.

My family wouldn't care.

My crush wouldn't care.

I wouldn't care.

I stood up and walked over to my drawers, opening it and pulling out the blood-stained knife. My whole body stopped shaking, knowing it'll all end right here. Before I leave, I just want to check something... I walked down the stairs, my hoodie off, cuts showing and knife in hand. Whitty was on the couch like always.

"Whitty..."

He looked over with annoyance and then worry.

"Would you really care if I did..? Because I'm about to..."

I shakily held up the knife to my throat and readied to plunge it through. I'm coming, mom and dad...

"WAIT, NO- SYAMEISE!!"

I shot forwards and came in contact with the sharp object. I fell to my knees and I couldn't keep a grip on the knife. All I felt was pain and I could just barely hear Whitty's panicked voice. My vision was fading to black and the last thing I saw was Whitty, sitting next to me and shaking me. Gasoline was flowing out of his eyes as he shook me harshly...

It all went dark.

First time actually writing some suicidal and death angst. I'm not actually feeling this way but if anyone you know is, get them some help!