Live to Die

~Chapter 7 Sedia~

I pulled into the familiar drive, closing the SUV door with a gentle push.  I couldn't help but glance next door at the empty lot.  The blackened foundations of my old house could barely be seen.  Hidden in long grass and weeds, the yard had long since taken over.  I could barely make out the aged for sale sign.  I hadn't t set foot in that yard since it happened.  The night the screaming stopped.  The house burned down not long after, doomed from the start I guess.  The sunny yellow and white house in front of me had always felt more like home than the other.  Even the exterior was welcoming with its wide front porch and flowers.

"So, a little birdie told me you might be able to get a phone number for me." I sat down at the worn kitchen table while Jordan's mom Shirley fussed with coffee and muffins.  In the background an 80' rock station played softly.  I don't know how many times I sat at this table pouring my heart out to Shirley.  All through highschool and after.  She was the first to know I was pregnant.  Went with me to all my appointments, held my hand every step of the way.  Never once had she asked who the twins father was.  More than over due now, with Raid home word would get around.

"Do you want to possibly back up Sed Honey.  I'm not following." Shirley asked sitting down.  "Is this a coffee conversation or do I need to pull out something stronger?"

"Coffee's just fine." A small headache persisted behind my eyes, possibly a result of that last beer combined with a sleepless night.  I tossed and turned all night, replaying how I'd handled things.  When was I going to learn?  From the moment I met Raid I felt him on a deeper level, that hadn't changed I guess.  If I was honest it scared me.

"Jordan told us that Ryder and Ryker's sperm donor showed up on your doorstep yesterday." Shirley pushed a plate of muffins and a cup of coffee in front of me.

"I've known all along that Raid, um Raiden James is the twins sperm donor.  He's with Lost Order.  When he, when he um stopped by yesterday..."I played with my coffee cup, glancing outside where Jordan's dad Joe pushed the kids on a new swing set.

"I wish I'd been there, those boys defended your honor?" Shirley laughed, obviously she knew that part of the story.

"They definitely weren't scared of the big bad biker." I chuckled, I don't think I'll get the image out of my head any time soon.

"You forgot to get a number." Shirley stated, cutting to the chase.

"Well I kinda lost my temper...twice." I blushed, recalling the feel of Raids lips on mine.  My traitorous body remembered his touch, responded instantly. "The second time he kissed me.  I uh, um, stormed off."

"Sparks are there?" Shirley wasn't nosey, just trying to understand.

"Flames is more like it.  From the minute he walked into Rotten Rotty's that first summer I started working the bar." I explained, I'd never held back from Shirley.  I couldn't start now, how do I explain what the man did to me?  How he made me feel?

"Ah, like that is it.  Listen I'll talk to my brother Bill, can I give him your number?" Shirley offered, without words she seemed to know.

"Yeah, I guess that's easiest." I looked out the window again.  Could I do this and not lose it?  After sleeping or rather trying to sleep on it I knew we needed to have a sane conversation.  I had to know what Raid intended.  I owed it to my boys to be mature, give them an opportunity to know their father.  But somehow I still needed to protect them.

"You okay, honey?" I could hear the motherly concern in Shirleys voice.

I tried my best to articulate how I was feeling, "I'm confused, I have too many questions and not enough answers.  I think I fell harder for Raid than I ever realized.  Seeing him again?  Stirred up feelings." I never wanted to feel things for Raiden James, I'd tried hard to deny it that whole summer.  I was getting out, as much as I loved being on the back of his bike.  His hand on my leg, as I snuggled in behind him.  That Poison song came on bringing it all back,

My head on his chest, Raids arms around me nothing but us and the darkness of my bedroom.  He was like no one I'd ever met and the one man that made me feel on a level so deep it scared me.  Did he know that this wasn't forever?  I couldn't do forever, not here and there was no way Raid would leave his club.  Every rose has its thorn played softly, the universe was sending me a message.  To follow my dream of leaving I'd have to give up Raid.

"You know you're the only woman who's ever been on my bike?" Raids voice, floated over my skin sending shivers dancing.  "Means you're mine."

There was something in his eyes tonight that sent alarm bells ringing.  "You staking a claim on me?  I'm no one's." I kissed his collar bone, that spot that drove him wild. "Not gonna be an old lady." I traced the hard lines of his stomach, distracting him.  Scared to look up and see the hurt in his eyes.  I closed mine, ignoring the way my heart seemed to shatter.  How was I going to leave him?

"You'll always be mine, no matter where you are." His fingers cupped my breast, flicking my nipple.  I was lost in a storm of sensation that only Raid could invoke.  "Didn't ask did I Baby doll.  Doesn't matter, you're still mine..."His voice trailed off as I wrapped my hand around his hardening cock.  Distracting him.  Hearing the words from him would only make it harder. 

"I think that's natural.  Doesn't mean you have to let him in unless you want to." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand, " You know you're a daughter to us.  Joe and I would do anything for you and those Grandbabies."

The screen door opened and closed with a bang, quiet my boys weren't.

"MOMMA!  MOMMA!" They yelled in unison.  I was engulfed by two sets of arms and my lap consumed by both boys.  Joe followed a few minutes later.

"Were you good for Nana and Pop Pop?" I asked raising an eyebrow at Shirley who nodded.

"Yes!" They replied in unison.

"They were angels." Shirley nodded at me, her gentle smile confirmation that at least my two boys behaved for someone.

"You leave that son of mine at home?" Joe asked, sitting in his usual chair at the head of the table.

"He was still asleep asleep when I left this morning.  These two wore him out.  Pretty sure he'll be by later." I explained, unable to stay still for long Ryker and Ryder wiggled off my lap running to their train table in the corner of the living room.

"How did it go with that sperm donor?" Joe asked breaking open one of the muffins, popping a piece into his mouth.

"His name is Raid, Raiden James. " I mumbled stealing the other half.

"With Lost Order, yeah I know who he is.  Knew he'd been sniffing around you that summer." A little muscle twitched along Joe's jaw, his fingers clenched briefly.  I always knew Joe would be upset with whoever the father was.  Joe was protective of me, always had been.  On more than one occasion Joe had stepped in, taught me to ride my first two wheel bike.

"We tried to be discreet." I wasn't about to offer any explanation about it.  I couldn't have stayed away from Raid, there was just something about him.

"I'm off to check on a few things at Rotty's. " Joe grabbed his keys, stopping for hugs from my boys on his way out.  Joe's abrupt departure did not sit well, where did he keep his gun? 

Shirley and I exchanged a look, there's much that can be said in a look. "Excuse me a minute Sed, I think I'll just call Bill real quick.  I don't have a good feeling about this."

"It's Monday, there's nothing to check.  Delivery isn't till tomorrow." I confirmed.  I almost felt sorry for Raid.  Almost.  I only hoped that both men came out alive.