Finally yours.

Chapter twenty - one

Monday 30th of September
Waking up was harder this morning.

I tried to convince myself it was a terrible dream. Except the events of last night were playing in my head like a record on repeat.

I hadn't spoke to anyone since last night. I didn't know who to go to, I would sound completely pathetic. My phone lay beside me powered off. All night, it rang. Getting spam called from all five boys I'm assuming I never checked.

I wanted comfort, a shoulder to cry on. Yet I didn't have that. Techno and I had become close within a short amount of time but I didn't want to bother him anymore than I have.

I wanted to go to Ranboo, but he didn't really want anything to do with me.

I was alone, I was completely and utterly worthless.

George was right about something I suppose. "Pathetic, worthless fucking scumbag" rang through my head. Nick, he never liked me. He never wanted anything with me. It was only about Samantha.

Clay, he didn't care either.

I was played, I thought I could trust Karl and Alex, but they all used me, I was so stupid.

They acted as if they liked me for George's sake. It was never about me it was only for George.

God. I was truly pathetic.

I rubbed my red, puffy eyes as more tears seemed to fall from them.

I couldn't hate them, I just couldn't hate them.

I could only blame myself.

Tw: self harm
I grabbed the sharpest thing i could find, dragging it along my frail wrists, watching as blood seeped out. I needed this, I needed to feel the pain I had caused them for so many years it was my fault.

I whined at the pain at first but slowly got used to it.

I was ignoring all noise around me, not paying enough attention, to know someone else was in the apartment.

After some time, I stopped retracing my marks, and threw on a hoodie to cover them.

"Hello?" I said as Now noticing jack coming from another room.

"Y/nnnn!" He said pulling me into an tight hug.

My eyes were red and puffy, and he shortly noticed "Hey..hey..if you wanna talk to me about it you can I have all day" he softened his tone and ruffled my hair.

"Have you heard anything.." I said no louder than a whisper. He nodded "I hear you and Ranboo haven't been speaking.." he told me.

"Look, I'm going to go get us some food, you wait here and We'll talk ok.." I nodded and he left.
———
He was a great listener, he didn't interrupt for anything, he comforted me.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry.." he started "you have nothing to apologise for.." I replied sniffling.

"What the guys did, it's fucked up. It really is. Just, give it sometime.. but hear them out when YOUR ready.." His words made sense, and I appreciated everything he was doing.

"One thing tho." He turned to me "talk to Ranboo and Tubbo.." he advised "They don't want to talk to me.." which was true I glanced away. "Tommy mentioned on having a barbecue soon, think about coming They will be there.." He informed me.

"Do you think George and the boys will be there..?" I hesitated on asking "No, I don't think so.. He said it would be small because his mum doesn't want a lot of people there.. his neighbours complain a lot." He said snacking on a packet of crisps.