Soft and Gay - Cadnis Oneshots

Starting Over (aka procrastination #4)

Her life was far from perfect. There were times she still thought of using, longing for that one feeling nothing else could provide her.

But Cady made it as perfect as it could be.

She held her when she was crying and the shame about her past eventually caught up on her, she dragged her to therapy on days she didn't want to go and most importantly, gave her a place she could call home.

Well... that was until Cady left and never came back.

Apparently she was too happy for gods taste, because Cady was found in an alleyway.

Dead.

Killed for cash.

What felt like moments after the call she found herself in a nearly demolished apartment she used to call her home, screaming from the top of her lungs, crying over the loss of her beloved. The person who made her the happiest she's ever been.

She had no one. Cady, dead. Damian was in New York pursuing his dreams, and she would be damned to ruin this for him. She told him she's okay... which she wasn't.

Now 6 months later on her 8th year anniversary of being clean everything felt different.

She, again, woke up with a cold part of the bed on her left - almost like an amputation - thinking of Cady. Longing for her.

Their long kiss, her murmur of good morning, the warmth of her small body pressed against hers, and the feeling of her soft skin beneath her fingertips.

She wanted to wake up. Wake up from this miserable dream and be happy again.

She only saw one way to do it though...

No. No! You promised!

Is what she kept telling herself. But at some point the inner voice got weaker, more quiet. Until she eventually found herself calling up her ex, asking for a special favour.

————————

That night she was sitting at the dinner table, the seat on the other side empty, reminding her of Cady's painful absence.

In front of her laid a spoon, a lighter, a syringe, an elastic band and the Beast. They were perfectly placed beside each other, almost artistically. Like a fancy meal at one of those expensive restaurants.

"This is all your fault." She whispered, looking at the bag of heroin laying on the table, her voice hoarse from crying.

She was exhausted. She couldn't do this thing they called 'life' anymore. Not the way it has always been to Janis. And she saw no way out of it. Damian will hate her for a long time, she knew that. But eventually she will be nothing but a memory to him. A part from his sad, embarrassing past in Chicago, Illinois. He's going to be okay. They're all going to be okay.

At least that's what she's been telling herself over and over again for the past hour. The doubts slowly catching up on her. But the pain eventually won. She promised Cady that she would keep trying. To keep going. But now she's gone. And the only way to get her back, was this.

It broke her heart, but to her, there was no other way.

She picked up the spoon, pouring the snow white powder onto it. As clean as it looked, Janis knew it wasn't pure. Dawn never sold something that wasn't cut with fentanyl or other opiates. Making the effectiveness 50 to 100 times worse.

"Where's the fun in everything else?" She always said.

She turned on the lighter and held it under the spoon, watching the substance slowly melt under the heat.

Then she filled the syringe, almost letting it fall twice. Her tears blurrying her vision and her anxiety leaving her hands shaking.

She let out a sob when she tightened the elastic band around her biceps to cut off the blood flow.

Did she do the right thing? Would Cady be disappointed? Is there even something like an afterlife?

Questions which made her hesitate for a second. The needle hovering just millimetres over her skin.

DO IT!

The voice inside her screamed so without thinking she pressed the needle into her vein, pushing down the syringe, injecting the deadly dose of the drug.

'The golden shot' as they like to call it.

Until a couple of months ago, she didn't think she would end up like this. She thought she would be happy. Married to the woman of her dreams, maybe a kid running around her backyard, chasing the family dog. She smiled as she felt her body hit the floor, unable to keep itself upright.

The euphoria was kicking in, making her feel warm and fuzzy. It felt like Cady was with her, protectively wrapping her arms around her. She could even smell her sweet lavender shampoo.

It didn't last long though as the shivers started to kick in and a wave of nausea hit her.

Shit.

More tears were making their way down her cheeks as it felt like her insides were shrinking. Her whole body was tense and she eventually curled herself up on the floor. The comforting, warm feeling now suddenly an unbearable heat radiating throughout her body. Her breathing got shallow and she repeated Cadys name over and over. Desperate for help.

Just as she couldn't take it anymore a soft, angelic voice called her in the distance.

"Janis?" It was Cady.

"Caddie." Janis whispered, a hopeful smile on her lips as she heard her voice getting closer. "I'm here."

"I love-

I'm sorry? Next one's gonna be the most wholesome shit you've ever read. I promise. Today was just rough so I took my depression (and the depression from watching that movie) and put it into this story.

Anyways I hope you still like me, I hope you liked this story, I hope you have an amazing day and until next time, bye.♥️