Remus: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
James: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Peter: A realist sees a freight train.
Sirius: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Remus: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Sirius: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Peter: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
James: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Remus: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Sirius: You left me, James, and Peter in a Walmart parking lot at 2 am a day ago.
Remus: I did that on purpose, try again.
Remus: Sirius, we're hungry!
Peter: Sirius! What's for dinner?
James: We're hungry, Sirius!
Sirius, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Peter: Are you laughing at that video of Sirius and James fighting?
Remus: No.
Remus: I'm laughing at the comments.
Sirius: Your smile? It makes my day.
Peter: Your happiness? I live for that.
James: A room? Get one.
Remus: Hotel? Trivago.
Peter: Where's James?
Remus: Don't worry, I'll find him.
Remus, shouting: Sirius sucks!
James, distantly: Sirius is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Remus: Found him.
