Our Own Peace

Chapter 4

Hey you..

Good morning,

Im sure your busy now, why else would you ignore me?

Or do you need space?

You cant help it if your mind has change.

So go ahead and break my heart again.

Leave me wondering why the hell i ever let you in.

Are you the definition of insanity

Or am i?

Oh it must be nice..

To love someone who lets them break you twice.

Break my heart again- FINNEAS

The consant self criticism George splashed on himself was critical. For some reason he found himself finding all the faults about himself and the things he does. His continuous upholding of faults drove him over the edge, questioning how he is as a person and if he is lovable as a person.

He didnt like the feeling he had, it was dark and sad. It was like a endless feeling of floating but being pushed down at the same time, he wasnt falling and felt something heavy on his chest. It was draining him and burning him out.

He knew that it wasnt entirely because of Jennie, it was the feeling of everything crashing down. His past crushes,flings, and all the things he did just to have that kind of love. He did so much, he gave so much, he took pieces of him but still he never experience that type of love. That comfort and warmth from the one person who gives you peace.

George was craving it so much. The feeling was intensifying as time passed by and the more he craved it— the more it drained him.

George tried to keep it neutral but how can he when he finds himself looking at her instagram? He cant stop looking at each and every post she has. He looks at her photos and love each and every single thing about it, there were flaws but damn they just made her even more attractive to him.

'Beautiful' George said in a tired sigh. He finally looks away from his phone and look up his ceiling. The feeling of wanting her to say yes was overflowing for George but so is the fear of rejection. Its about to be 6 weeks and still there was nothing.

He talked to his other guy friends and they all agreed that it was a a sign but George couldnt accept it. Something was telling him to just wait.

But why was he waiting? And why was he going so bad for her? He asked himself this and the question lingered in his head. He relaxed himself onto his chair and folded his arms.

George's phone dinged as he sighed since he couldn't think of an answer. He looked at his phone and saw a message.

"How r u doing?"

Louise name made George smile. He was happy that his close friend made time for him despite what's going on with her. However, the thought of being just close friend made him sad for a bit. Only for a bit since he was taken aback at the thought as soon as he realized what he felt.

He always felt this but he just tucked it away but maybe the reason why he got his heart broken was because he was chasing the wrong one all along.

"Guess I'm feeling abit better"

Louise didnt reply after awhile so George decided to make dinner since he was craving japanese-type curry. He cut the carrots and potatoes then placed them in the pot.

"She still didn't reply?" George's mom asked while Louise came into his head first. He simply shook his head no while somewhat telling himself not to think like that about Louise. George's mother walked over to her son and gave him a quick peck on the cheeks. "You'll meet the one someday anak (my child)"

George smiled and continued preparing his curry for dinner. He looked at his mother and saw her wearing a tight dress. His mother was beautiful, as always, but he didnt like it when she wore dresses like those. He knew where she was going.

"Dad's coming home tom ma, dont get too drunk"

"What do you mean Georgio? i wont get drunk. Since when was i drunk my dear?"

"Yesterday mama" George mom's aggressively walked up her tall son with a mad expression.

"And what proof do you have? The struggle i had just to have you and you accuse me of drinking?" George took a deep breathe in. The cross necklace hanging by his mother clear cleavage somewhat made him feel guilty for his own mother.

"Last night and all my life mama, you dont think i didnt realize why i always lived with lola(grandma) before?" George spitted it out and the moment he did he regretted it. He was so good at bottling it up, why did he burst it out?

Before he could even have a second more to think, he felt a sting on his left cheek.

"How dare you?"

"I know youre cheating on papa too" George said instantly.

"And you think you're papa isnt cheating on me?" George was taken aback by what his mother said. His step-dad was the dad he always wanted. He didnt judge and criticize, he guided and taught. He's just and right and always telling George to be a better person.

"What the fuck are you saying?" George's mom started laughing. George felt a sudden pang in his chest and he was burning instead of being burnt out.

"You only like your daddy because he gives us money. Im thankful too but im gonna use all the money i want because your daddy cheated on me!" George's mom had pain on her eyes but didnt let any tears fall.

George was speechless. His mind was blank, he couldnt move. He couldnt somewhat comprehend what's going on.

His mom left him like how he left her before, looking at the door wondering when she came back. This time however, George kinda wished she would come back late so he woulnt see her.

His mother, his first love broke him again and again and again.

His step-father, his only father. The man who he learned to love more than his mother, the man who was there for him constantly, the person who seemed to be the last person to have anything against him, the last person he expected to cheat— Betrayed him. Betraying his mother meant betraying him and his family.

And this made his heart ache hurt even more.

George's phone dinged and saw Louise message.

"Hey dont seenzone me :<<"

He opened the chat and realized he didnt send the message. He stared at the phone still shocked by what he learned. He was feeling numb and abit confused, he wanted to yell and scream, he wanted to call Louise and tell her everything but for some reason he just sent what he typed in awhile ago.

"Guess im feeling abit better"