"I will ruin you baby," he whispers digging his nails into my hips sending a chill cascading down my spine.
"Then ruin me Jude, ruin me till there's nothing left of me." I spoke softly, "make me feel something, make me feel anything, make me feel al...
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Something was different between Jude and I.
I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, or when this sudden shift had even occurred but it happened abruptly and all at once. Once the power had returned we spent the rest of our time talking about what it's like to have shitty parents, I related to him easily in that way. I didn't have as bad of a relationship with my mom as he did, In all honestly, I didn't know my mother well enough to judge her, we only ever talked about trivial matters; school, ballet, and gossiping about all the aunties we didn't like.
I knew my mother loved me, I felt loved by her, I just wish I knew her more as a person.
Aunties back home often spoke of how white women these days found themselves wanting to be friends with their children instead of their parent, and my mother agreed, but I wondered if perhaps there was a way to find a balance of sorts between the two. I sometimes found myself afraid to have kids because I feared more than anything that somehow I would end up just like my parents.
