Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 35 - standing

"Sorry." I say, desperately willing my blush to go down.

"Don't apologize, I was just making sure you were okay. For a minute there I thought you might be having another panic attack, which would make sense given everything that's going on, but I wasn't sure. Are you alright?" I nod, unable to look away from his concerned eyes. Why is that so attractive?

"I'm- I'm fine. Just processing everything." Everything about you.

"Okay... if you want to talk I'm here." He's totally not convinced by my act but he doesn't press the subject and I'm thankful for that.

He steps away from me and I wheel myself towards the bookshelf in the corner, beginning to look through beginning to look through it. My first twelve notebooks are here, the others being kept at my dorm at the moment. Most of the information is still accurate, and even though I've basically memorized them all I can't help but want to keep them.

I glance behind me to ask Shinso to help me put them in my suitcase but he's already here, sliding them off of the bookshelf. I guess I'm becoming predictable to him.

The rest of the books on the shelves are younger kids books that I haven't picked up in years and a few books on heroes that I've sucked every last bit of knowledge out of. I don't need them, plus on the way here Shota said that anything I didn't want to keep I could just leave here for now, and at some later point we would come back and decide what to do with it. I could leave the posters here for now and when we come back I'll find someone to give them to.

In another note, I knew our landlord was okay, but he was kind of a grumpy old man. I thought he would have wanted us to get out as soon as possible so he could start renting the apartment out again. At least unless we were still paying rent during this time, which makes it weird that he's allowing this.

When I told Shota my concerns earlier he said he spoke with the landlord over the phone already and that the man said it was okay. That didn't sound right but I didn't want to be annoying so I didn't ask any more questions.

"Do you want any of the other books here?" Shinso's voice is much deeper than mine, though I have a pretty high pitched voice, so it makes sense. It's almost enough to make me shiver like his fingers in my hair.

I shake my head no but grab one book off the shelf, flipping through the pages to find some money sandwiched between them. Once I've gotten all of it out I slide the book back onto the shelf and pocket the money. It's not much but when I was younger I used to save up my allowance.

I knew that being quirkless didn't only hurt me, it affected my mother too. I saw the way some of the other parents looked at her when I was playing at the park, and I wasn't sure whether it was effecting her job as well because I knew sometimes it affected my grades in school. I didn't know at the time that quirk discrimination was illegal in workplaces, especially when the employee themself wasn't quirkless, so I saved up most of the money she gave me just in case she ever needed it back.

I realize my eyes have gotten watery and I look up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. There's been enough crying for today, I need to get my stuff packed and get out of here. Like Shota said, this won't be the last time I'm here, so I have no reason to get all emotional over it.

"Uhm, I talked to your mother while you were in the hospital before you woke up." My head snapped to Shinso at that, eyes wide. "She was scared but she wanted you to continue following your dream. You know, of becoming a hero. I just, Uhm, thought you should know." He mumbles. I stand up and hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck which proves to be difficult due to the slight height difference.

His hands go to my waist in concern as he speaks again.

"I really don't think you should be standing right now... you were up a lot earlier today and I don't want you to strain your legs."

"S-sorry." I say, looking away in embarrassment and going back to my wheelchair.

I should have known better than to do that. Not everyone likes hugs, and I'm sure from me they're pretty awkward. I've just made everything worse.

"No! I mean- it's okay, just, maybe we sit on your bed? Or something? I'll give you hugs any time you want, I just don't want you getting hurt." He rushes out, as if it's his fault that I messed up.

Tears prick my eyes again as I speak.

"No, it's fine. Thank you." I whisper, taking a deep breath.

Shinso looks genuinely hurt and I look down guiltily. Did I cause this?

I- or should I say Shinso- finishes packing my suitcase and all of my bathroom stuff too.

"Hey, uh, Shinso? I um... I wanna grab some stuff from my mom's room. If that's okay." I mumble, having trouble meeting his gaze.

"Do you, uh, want me to come in or wait in the hallway?" He asks, sounding nervous. I would be too.

"I think I can do it." I confirm, wheeling myself over to her closed door. Now everything's awkward between us. Great job, Midoriya.

I don't want him to be uncomfortable because I made him stand in my dead mother's room. Plus I've already created a bunch of tension around us so he probably doesn't want to be around me right now. I never leave him alone anyway.

1685 words.