A Different Path

Chapter 33 - Beyond Important

"I'm gonna hold your hand for a minute," Race said, holding my hand tightly. "Just squeeze my hand for yes and do nothing for no, that way you won't need to move your head." I prepared myself to answer any questions he had, knowing it would take a lot of energy. "Are you feeling any better?" I stayed still, making the entire room feel heavy. "Are you feeling weaker?" I squeezed his hand as best I could, feeling him let go soon after. "Jack, let's talk." I got ready to eavesdrop as the door closed, feeling like there was a weight on my chest.

"Is he getting better?" Jack asked frantically, shattering my heart.

"I'm just going to be blunt and say... No. He's not." Race admitted, his voice becoming shaky just as it had the previous night. Jack remained quiet, likely in a lot of shock and denial. "I... I really think you should spend every minute with him, because he could go at any minute." Race backed away, and the door slowly opened moments later. Jack sat back down on my bed, holding my hand.

I began to get lost in my thoughts, coming to terms with what was about to happen. I thought about my life, how most of it was spent in fear and agony, and it wasn't too great. However, within the last year I had finally started to know what love was, and what it was like to love someone back with all of your heart. I began slipping away even more, feeling as though my entire body was shutting down. I then started to feel like everything was far away from me, and every sound was muffled. That was until I could tell Jack was sobbing, still holding my hand tight.

"Crutchie, I dunno if you can even hear me..." He began, taking a break so he could calm his breathing. "But please, please don't give up on me. I can't do this without you." I began to listen closely, my heart pounding. "I could spend the rest of my life searching for someone like you, and I wouldn't ever find them. There is only one person on this entire planet that can make me happy, and that's you. Just seeing you makes my day amazing. When you speak, I want it to never end, because I feel like I could just listen to your voice until the end of time. Waking up next to you in the penthouse, seeing your hair all messy, and the way you look up and smile at me while the sun begins to rise from behind you... I could never find someone that I feel that way about again. You think so, so poorly of yourself, but you are by far the strongest person I have ever met. I have never met anyone who is willing to fight for themselves more than you. I absolutely adore how you smile whenever you win a game of cards, the way you watch me sketch, the way you listen..." He had to take another break, his breathing quick. "No one has ever cared about me this much. I love you so, so much, and all I want to do is go to Santa Fe, buy a house, raise kids, and grow old with you. I want to have those moments of seeing you play with our kids, helping them grow to be great people, and so much more. I want to surprise you with breakfast in bed on your birthday, and I want to wake up with you beside me in a big bed with a huge, comfy blanket, seeing the sun pour in through the curtains and slowly light up the room while you continue sleeping." As Jack spoke I started to think, realizing how badly I wanted to experience all those things with him, too. "I love you so, so, so much. I can't lose you. Please, please keep fighting. I know it'll be so hard, but please just keep going." Finally, I began to be able to ground myself again, no longer feeling as though I was slipping away. I gathered all the strength I possibly could, squeezing his hand weakly to try and let him know I would keep going. He grew quiet, surprised that I had heard him as he didn't think I was awake anymore. He then pushed my hair from my face, making me smile ever so slightly. 

We stayed there the entire day, Jack sketching as he did all night. I kept making sure I'd stay awake, worried that if I fell asleep I wouldn't wake back up. I kept my eyes closed, though, finding it too difficult to keep them open. It was growing close to midnight when there was a knock at the door, catching both Jack and I off guard. 

"Hey," Race said, the door creaking behind him. "We thought you'd like to play cards to relax, but knew you'd wanna stay with Crutchie, so we thought we'd come here," he offered, Romeo clearly behind him. They closed the door, and Jack stayed quiet for a moment, likely looking to me.