Dangerous Innocence [ATARAXIA Series #2]

Tears

Ganther Uries Neric Asuncion's Point of View

My hands are shaking as I hold the tyrant color king chess piece that I give to Onyx before. Lalong lumakas ang iyak ko nang makita ang original na susi ng secret passage ng Leighton university. But now it has an engraved one on it. That I'm sure it doesn't present before. I get these things from that black box.

"Ganther..." I read the words that were engraved. I just let my tears stream down. When I'm already calmed down. I just found myself driving toward the place that I never thought I'll back to after the bloody encounter I'd had in that place.

The place I used to call hell because everyone is demons inside. Madilim na pero kitang-kita ang laki ng lugar. Dahan-dahan kong nilagay ang susi sa pinto. I heard a click from inside. Nanginginig ang kamay kong tinulak ang pinto. Madilim na library ang sumalubong sa 'kin. Gano'n na gano'n parin ang itsura ng library.

Leighton University closed the same day we won against Orion. Rinig na rinig ang yabag ko sa buong hallway dahil sa katahimikan. I don't know what got to me but my tears keep flowing. Bumabalik sa 'kin ang mga ala-ala sa loob ng lugar na 'to. How did I end up killing those students for the stupid game? I just walk until I reached the rooftop where Onyx and I used to go. Napatingala ako sa langit. The moon shining. It's too alive. To beautiful. I heard footsteps behind. A familiar smell lingers in my nose. He's still using the same perfume. The scent that always calms me down.

"I-it's been 8 years since the last time I set my foot in this place..." I said while looking up. Stared at the innocent moon.

"Ganther..." His voice. Hearing his voice makes my heart race crazily. I chuckled. My heart still knows him. It knows where it belongs. 

"Remember the night you and I first met?" Memories start flashing in my head from the very start.

"At the bar?" I nodded.

"I went there to forget and find another person that'll make me curious and then I saw you. Your eyes were screaming for help. care, love, and peace. That's the very first time I encounter a person who looks exactly searching for something I'm looking for, too. The first time our eyes met. I don't why I felt that way..."

"Peace..." He mumbled.

"Yes, but at first I didn't recognize that emotion. Paano mo naman papangalanan ang isang emosyong kahit kailan hindi mo naranasan? It was new for me. There's an urges the pulling me to you. I thought you are just my new piece of a king. But the longer I'm playing the more I'm falling. Funny right?" Hindi s'ya sumagot pero rinig ko ang hikbi n'ya.

"This place was so scary, bloody but in this place, I found my peace. For the very first time in my life. I can say. I-i'm at peace. And that place is exactly in your embrace. I've become a monster in this place literally one. Heartlessly killing. Just to save the people I treasure a lot. To save you..."

"I'm sorry f-for dragging you here..." I shrugged and chuckled.

"I didn't regret it. If that's what you were thinking." I looked up to the moon again. Bago lumingon sa kanya. Our eyes met. Even though it's dark I can clearly see his tears. Longing, Love, relief, and pain that's what I'm seeing in his eyes. I am sure that's what exactly he's seeing in mine, too. "If I didn't become curious do you think I'll be someone who I am today? Maybe my mom still living in lies. My dad still sees me as a monster. My sister will hate me to the core. And I still look at myself as the worst person in this world. If following you is a kind of nightmare..." I stop for a while as a smile slowly crept to my lips. It's been a while since I feel genuinely happy like this.

"Onyx, I'll still follow you. Because you made me find what I'm looking for my whole life. The peace that you give to me. You made me what I am today." I continued.

"I left you to the day you need me. Ganther, I saw how hard your life become when I left you. You suffer a lot. From pain. Muntik ka nang mawala dahil sa dinulot ko. I'm sorry..." He slowly kneels down while crying so hard. Guilt and fear suddenly glisten to him. "M-muntik k-ka ng m-mawala s-sa 'kin. I-I can l-lost y-you because o-of my c-choice. B-because of the pain that I inflicted to you. I-im s-sorry," Sinong mag-aakala sa muli naming pagkikita magiging ganito. Seeing each other is like opening the pain that we hide for years. Wounds that we just set aside and waited the right time to be healed.

I walk toward him and also kneel in front of him. "Because I chose that way. I'm the one who chose to cut my wrist that night because of pain." I wiped his tears.

"I caused it..." I shrugged my head. And beamed at him. 

"But I let it. I'm not brave. I let that pain ruined me. Akala ko matapang ako. Hinayaan ko na malunod 'yong sarili ko sa sakit na ako mismo 'yong gumawa. I'm scared Onyx I didn't open your letter. I thought it's a goodbye letter but it turns out a saving message..."

"S-saving?"

"Yup, I tried to end my life because I saw nothing but darkness. I lost everything and the worst scenario is, that I let myself lose too. I'm fighting alone without thinking they're fighting with me..." Dad, Misha, Kit, and the others face appeared in my mind. "The day I woke up, they assured me they'll help me and they really did until now. Also, that day after 2 years of keeping that letter I read it and it gives me warmth. A warmth of hope. You are part of the people who save me. Thank you..." Humagulhol 'to ng iyak. I pull him into an embrace.

"I-i thought you'll be mad at me but you're here hugging me..." he mumbled.

"It's because I love you so much Onyx." I feel how he was stunned this is the first time I said it to him. "They said the things you love are worth it to wait. No matter what. May nagsabi din sa 'kin if it's for you it'll be back at the right time."

"I love you too, Ganther... Baby..." Home isn't a place it's a feeling and now I'm home. We're home in each other arms. He pulled himself out of the hug.

"I'm sorry if it takes me too long before coming back to you. I need to fix my mess with my family. I need to prove that I can stand on my own. I need to make them see that choosing you is worth it. Kailangan kong tapatan kung anong meron sila. I'll never leave you again. I love you so much..."

"I love you t-" I couldn't finish my sentence because his lips crashed on mine. We kissed while our tears keep streaming down. Not because we're sad or in pain but because we are happy. And that night I get the ataraxia that I wanted.

He is my peace. Having him in my life means being serene. We were both lonely and pained in past but no one ever said that both lost souls can fix each other's life. From being lost to being loved.