so i hope you'll like it although it's like suuuuuper duper long and i feel like my English is ✨dying✨
also mosquitos this year seem to have some kind of foot fetish istg those mf be biting my feet like crazy
~~~
The morning was cold as ice.
Chilly wind tugged your long coat when you stood in the Liyue Harbor, facing captain Beidou herself.
"That should be enough, I think" you said, handing the woman a sack filled with gold coins. The price for keeping your freedom was horrendously high but you were ready to pay, no matter what it took.
Beidou tossed a few coins on her hand and gave the sack back to you.
"THAT is enough, y/n." A smile crept into her face. "I'm gonna use you a bit, y'know. Cooking, some annoying paperwork... You can deal with that, can't ya?"
Your hand automatically traveled to the sword hidden under your coat.
"I know, I know" she sighed "You're a skilled warrior but my crew is not gonna be pleased with someone like you joining them out of the blue in fighting and completing everyday tasks. Besides, considering your situation, it's better if you keep a low profile, aye?"
You nodded.
Beidou was right but you couldn't help feeling sligthly disappointed.
"Alright then." The captain patted your head. "Y'ALL THIS IS Y/N AND THEY ARE JOINIG US FOR THIS CRUISE" she yelled to the people working at the deck of the Crux.
They nodded, some mummbled something under their breaths and that was it.
"They don't care" you pointed out quite surprised.
"Yeah." Beidou shrugged.
Suddenly a whitehaired man with a bouquet of wold roses appeared at the captain's side.
"Kazuha, you're finally here" Beidou said with a smile. "This is y/n and y/n this is Kazuha Kadehara."
The man bowed with grace and you, a bit akwardly, did the same.
"So you're the one Beidou has been talking about" Kazuha said, when the captain left you two alone, heading to deal with some urgent business. "I must say, I was surprised to hear her praising you so much but now I think I understand." He smiled, looking you straight into the eyes. You didn't turn your gaze. Partly, because you didn't want to seem weak and shy, partly, because you were hipnotized by the man's eyes. Depending on the light, they were either brown, reddish or gold.
They were beautiful and you could tell, there were many, many secrets behind them. If you didn't keep your guard up, you would fall into their depths.
Not that you would mind.
Somehow, you felt that this Kazuha was the one for whom you would fall onto your knees and who would eventually be the end of you.
But you had your guard up.
"Well, I had a little something for you." Kazuha gave you that pretty bouquet of wild roses he was holding. He gave you the roses with bleeding hands and you noticed, that flowers' stems were deprived of their torns.
"I... Thank you. But, Kazuha, your hands..."
"Oh, don't bother, my dear y/n" he said with a crooked smile. "After all, we love what we fear, what gives us pain. We love beauty and beauty is terror."
When he spoke, you saw the flame burning in his eyes.
"From what you just told me, it would seem that love is quite an unpleasent experience."
"Pheraps."
"But love can be soft and painless" you protested. " You don't always have to pay for it with blood" you said, looking at his hands.
"Oh, of course, you are right. But is such love worth the trouble? Don't you think that love that requiers sacrifices is the most satysfing and fullfilling?" You felt his eyes piercing you. What a pecurial soul he was. "You know that already, you must know."
You gazed at Kazuha in quiet amazement.
"I..." you felt your heart trumble.
"Kazuha quit that crazy talk of yours and show y/n around!" Beidou called to you from the ship.
As the days passed, you slowly grew to feel more at ease at the Crux.
The sea was calm, no troubles whatsoever. The crew didn't really care about you - the food you cooked was edible, you didn't come in their way and that was all they wanted from you. Beidou checked up on you regurally and each time, she gave you more and more paperwork. Kazuha didn't abandon you either. Every day he would turn up in the kitchen, sometimes even a few times, and you were having a hard time trying to stay cool, composed and unbothered by his presence and what he was saying to you.
Beidou once told you that whenever Kazuha spoke, the flowers came out of his mouth and well, now it would seem that all those flowers landed at your feet.
It flattered you, of course but on the other hand it was a bit of a problem to have a heart so soft when you really needed it to be made of stone. Things would have been lot easier then but unfortunatelly, the gods were not gracious to you.
One day, Kazuha waltzed into the kitchen and seeing you, he immediately took off his blouse. You were presented with a nice view at his muscular chest, arms and all the scars on his fair skin.
The whitehaired man approached you as if nothing happened and standing right beside you, so close that you could feel his breath, he started pouring tea to two cups.
"Huh, Kazuha, aren't you cold?" you asked, hoping that your blood didn't betray you, and your face wasn't turning red as you looked Kazuha in the eyes.
"No" he said. "It's hot" he added, staring right at you with a straight face.
You rose your eyebrow and turn your gaze. You had a breakfast to make after all and he was an unnecassary distraction.
"So I've been wondering, because you spend quite some time here, in the kitchen, and well, you are a part of the crew. Isn't captain Beidou a bit...uh, upset, about that? I mean, when you are here you are not doing your job."
"Oh, but I am" Kazuha smiled. "Beidou asked me to keep an eye on you, so you can't really blame me for spending time with you, my dear y/n. And I'm fullfilling my duties rather well. After all, I'm keeping two eyes on you, just in case."
You cleared your throat.
"I see" you mummbled. "Thank you."
"No need, my dear. Besides, I really enjoy the view."
You blushed.
"And, of course, the food and tea you make" he added with a grin.
"Oh, well, thank you, Kazuha" you said and tried to stay focus on cutting a loaf in even slices. "But aren't you worried that it might be, I don't know, poisoned?"
"Well" Kazuha again made the distance between you smaller, so that once again, you could feel his breath on your neck. "Even if, it would be a pleasure to die at your hand" he whispered into your ear.
You turned around only to see him smiling at you in the most adorable way, with the dimples in his cheeks, messy hair and a piercing look of his burning eyes fixed at you.
It lasted only for a second but it was enough for you to yearn for more. You wanted him close to you again and you wanted him to do something more than just gazing at you and talking the way only he could with that velvety voice of his, the voice that made you weak, even if you didn't want to admit it.
You tried to get Kazuha out of your mind but he was still there. You never remembered any of your dreams but you had a feeling that he was haunting you in them as well. And Kazuha himself seemed to be determined to keep things like that.
He was driving you crazy but you didn't let your facade break.
At least not until one dawn. You were tiered after a long sleepless night filled with paperwork. Now, you were finally done and since you had somentime to spare you decided to go and see the sea and the sunrise.
Everybody but the person keeping watch should have been asleep at that time of the day so you wouldn't get in anyone's way if you went to the upper deck.
To your surprise, you were not the only one who had such an idea. In the light of the rising sun stood Kazuha. With his back turned at you, he was probably enjoying time alone with the sea. You didn't want to ruin the tranquility of the moment, so you just stood where you were, not making a sound and observing the brightening skies and the whitehaired man.
It was so quiet and peaceful.
A part of you wanted it to stay like that forever.
"y/n stop hiding in the shadows and come here" Kazuha spoke to you. "If you want, that is."
With a slight smile, you moved closer to Kazuha. You sat down at the huge box containg some probably-not-so-legal cargo next to him and tried to look all cool.
For a long moment you both said nothing. It was idyllic and being with Kazuha here and now felt like a dream. You knew you were silly but you couldn't help how your heart skipped a beat every time he spoke your name, how you melted seeing his smiles and you couldn't help that you actually had feelings for this pretty boy.
"Well then, y/n" Kazuha broke the silence "I've been wondering, you see. Are you a good liar?"
"I don't know." You shrugged. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I was just curious. You always seem so calm and I'm dying to know if it's just a pose or are you really like that" he said, looking at you with a crooked smile.
"So, what do say y/n?" You realized that the distance between you was getting smaller and smaller and the next thing you knew, was Kazuha standing right in front of you. He put his hand on your cheek and gently brushed his fingers against your skin. You melted under his touch and he knew it. He leaned to you with a smile on his lips.
"I'm waiting for your answer, my dear" he reminded you.
You sighed, torn between staying responsible and your greed for Kazuha.
It was going to be your downfall but goddammit he was so close and he was so perfect...
You pulled him closer to you and with all the passion you had, you kissed Kazuha. If it was the end then you were going to make it good.
His lips had a bitter-sweet taste and he smelled like wind. His touch at your skin felt amazing and he was now all over you. He was breathtaking and - right now - yours.
"Ah, my sweet y/n." Kazuha laughed quietly, caressing your neck as you broke the kiss to catch your breath. "Tell me darling, how many secrets can you keep?" he asked, brushing your jaw with his thumb.
"How many do you want me to?"you whispered into his lips.
Kazuha laughed quietly again, lying you down on the box as he now hovered over y
